I’m in a room alone. It’s dark, lonely and the heaviness of this stagnant air seeps into every cell of my body. The heaviness weighs me down so much so that I just want to burrow and fall deeper into my space. When I find the strength to lift my head and look around, I don’t feel much hope. It would take so much energy to take even one step upward that I fall again just thinking about it. Because I’m alone, inside with my thoughts, the thoughts just don’t stop. They evoke fear, negativity and make me weary because they will not stop. I feel far removed from the light and the more I notice that, the more I let the darkness keep me in a place devoid of connection with others. Even in a room full of people, I still feel lost in the dark space in which I reside. Helpless, hopeless, dark, inside myself and alone.

In recent weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time supporting people experiencing depression. I tap into my own feelings and experiences to understand someone else’s, support them and heal myself. What I know for sure about the dark room is this: there are windows, there is a door. No matter how beaten down you feel, that’s the first step – get up and open the windows and door. Then go lay back down if you need to. As long as you create an open path to let in the light, you’re getting there. Moving towards the light does not mean you feel like doing so. But to get out of this room, you sometimes have to think your way out step by step and just do the next thing. It may require outside support. There is no shame in that because reaching towards outside light is an act of bravery. It’s so hard but it’s you thinking your way out, you taking charge of your healing. You have everything you need to overcome your suffering and heal and manage your pain. You just forgot about your light because it go lost behind all the closed doors and windows. You just lost sight of your connection with the infinite light of the Divine because you were too tired to open your eyes. Open them now. The love is there for you now. No human has the ability to put chains on your light or the light of others in an attempt to keep you in darkness. So open the door and windows and let the light in and your light out. Now.

Do your best to rise slowly and stand outside in the light. Express yourself, exercise faith rituals, your body, your hopefulness even if you’re not feeling it now. Exercise self-compassion. Exit your room to connect with others and share your light. Tell your story. The prefix ex means “out”. Let your light out through expression, extending, exiting, exercise and bathe in the external light of others so you have an easier time finding yours. Extend your body towards the sky and allow the healing air of nature swirl around you and purge your cells of the darkness that’s been a part of them for way too long. Let the darkness escape your body through your tears and remind yourself of how amazing life can be sometimes despite spending time in that dark room. The light has the power to feed your hope.

Keep practicing your rituals of faith to stay in the land of the hopeful where the Divine is ever present and where other lovers of light reside. Actively pursue the Divine and the hopeful for we will stand with you against those who would prefer we stay in our dark rooms. They will attempt to scare us and do everything they can to make us believe our light is not worth seeing. When the fear they create leads us to to believe our light is not of value, we shine less brightly. And when we shine less brightly, it makes it harder for us to see a way out of this darkness. Open the doors and windows and let your light out and let light in. Because when I bathe in your light, I hear you, see you, learn from you and support you. When I support you, I support myself. Your light opens my eyes, opens my world, makes me feel less alone, teaches me, inspires me and keeps me from looking away from things that are hard to watch. I am reminded of my own humanity because I see yours. And if I don’t protect your light from being stolen or squelched by people who choose to live in fear, then I lose mine. It is single streams of light that create the spectrum of colors that make up a rainbow. I need your light and you need mine. Open your door and windows and let your light be a part of that beautiful arc of colors in the sky that inspires all of us to hold on when it’s hard to do so. We call that arc a rainbow. I call it hope sometimes too.

If you are experiencing crisis you are not alone. Please call the National Suicide Crisis Hotline at: 800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org. They are available 24 hours to support you and get you the help you need.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. What does prolonged sadness or depression feel like for you? Be descriptive.
2. It can be so hard to move outside of yourself, outside of dark places. What have you done in the the past to do so?
3. How is expression helpful in alleviating depressive symptoms?
4. Why do some people attempt to squelch the light of others?
5. I am reminded of my humanity when I see yours. Why is that? How does that help create connection and act as a safeguard from depression?