We have more control then we think, although lately it doesn’t feel that way. The more I talk to people, the more I hear laments that might be summed up in a single statement – “When will this end?” There is no answer to that question. But, was there ever an answer to the question of uncertainty pre-COVID -19? We can come up with the most detailed plans with the intent to shape our futures, but that doesn’t mean what we’ve set out to do will ever really happen. What I do know for sure, is that we have the ability to adapt when expectations do not meet our reality. Dealing with unmet expectations and uncertainty may be a really hard road to travel, but it is not impossible.

Anxiety springs forth from fear and does have its place in our lives. If we feel anxious, or fearful about a situation, it drives us to act appropriately and prepare as best as we are able. But fear and anxiety on overdrive is harmful to ourselves and others. Fear of what could be leads us to picture a terrible event in our minds with the idea that if you imagine the worst, we’re not as devastated if the event occurs. But is that true? I’m pretty certain that if I lost someone I love, no amount of “mind prep” could take away the devastation and grief I would feel if the event actually occurred. In recent weeks, this type of overthinking is what led so many people to buy tons of toilet paper. Fear leads us to feel anxious and worried which in turn alters our thoughts and ultimately our actions. The good news is, there is something we can do about this tumble down the rabbit hole of overthinking.

Remembering what is factual when one is in fear is where our control comes into play. The fear we conjure up in our minds does not always speak the truth, but what we experience in the present moment is true no matter how pleasing or painful. When uninvited thoughts come into our mind, we have the power in the present moment to look at them, name them as intrusive, automatic and unimportant. Staying in the present with them means we accept the thoughts and don’t push them away. We “watch” these unimportant, fiction-based stories float by us and try our best to not engage with them or attempt to figure out what they mean. Most of the time, what they say to us is bullshit anyway. Some of these thoughts are probable, but hardly possible. Attempting to push the thoughts away and not “see” them, usually makes them come back with more force. Why give these fear-based thoughts that much power? Especially since it’s a fact that fear-based thoughts eventually leave. Noticing this in the present moment, brings us comfort and puts us in control. While it’s safe to say that fearful or anxious thoughts will return, we have the choice to believe these intrusive thoughts or not. It is a certainty that what we believe affects what we tell ourselves, influences our behavior and affects every choice we make.

When these fear-based thoughts come knocking, name these uninvited, fictitious thoughts for what they are – intrusive and fleeting. Then, take a deep breath and be in the present moment with them knowing these buggers pack their bags and leave eventually. Certainty is what is happening right now, not our worries and fear that come by uninvited. The fact that we have the ability to accept what is and know we can adapt to whatever lies ahead is all the certainty we need.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. Think of a recent time when your expectations did not meet reality. How did you adapt?
2. Think of a recent worry or fear. How has it affected your thoughts and behavior?
3. What intrusive thoughts are common for you? How have these automatic thoughts placed limitations on you?
4. Close your eyes and breath deeply and slowly in this present moment. Invite a kind word or statement about you or the world around you. Take a few moments and have this mantra travel through your mind as you breathe.