Anger can get a bad rap. It’s gotten a sour reputation because of the way some people use it. Every feeling we experience as humans serves a purpose. But we tend to only express gratitude for those emotions that are easy to carry or feel good. No one ever says, “Thanks anger, I’m glad you’re here!” But it’s not anger that is the problem, it’s the way some people handle their anger. If anger leads you to hurt yourself or others in fits of verbal assaults or physical battery, that was never anger’s reason for being. Anger’s reason for being is based on injustice. You don’t have an anger management problem when you feel anger. You have an anger management problem when you hurt others because you can’t deal with holding on to the anger long enough to look at it and figure out where it’s coming from. It’s a hard feeling to dissect but when you’re finally strong enough to make friends with anger, that’s when you are able to see the light. Anger causes us to look hard at why we’re angry and figure out a way to make it lessen or do something about it in a healthy manner. Anger forces us to come out from under the covers and shine a light on why we feel the way we do. Anger often leads us to let go of things we’ve been bearing way too long or question something we were never meant to carry. Anger has the power to crack forged steel and let the light in allowing the dark cloud of blame and self-loathing to ooze out. Anger teaches us that our story matters and deserves to be heard. Thank you anger.
Right now there is a sea of discord and anger as the word “truth” is dismantled into a new meaning by people who want to reinvent its definition to suit their agenda. Truth-changers are defining someone else’s story to make the world work solely for them. Truth-changers attempt to prey on anyone who has been marginalized, oppressed or easy to take advantage of. It happens a lot to children. When these brave individuals tell their truth, tell their stories, talk about what hurts and try to do whatever they can to make the pain stop, the truth-changers label them. They are usually labeled crazy, irrational trouble-makers and assigned derogatory labels meant to keep them silent and feel “less than”. Anger is an appropriate response to these actions. It highlights injustice and is there to protect us from being abused, belittled, oppressed and disregarded because it drives us to take action in the name of justice for self and others. It’s why people raise their hands, open their mouths and march in protest. Anger drives us to move from the sidelines and into the streets. Anger moves us to say something despite the fear we feel about being judged or ridiculed. The Divine gave us anger to motivate us to step up for others, ourselves and this planet we call home. People and the earth are shouting now because of injustice and listening is imperative. Because when you are prevented from telling your truth, your story or your perspective, the anger will not dissipate until you are heard. Thank you anger.
Anger’s intent is never about clinging to what some believe is power at the expense of another. That’s fear that drives that behavior. It’s fear that causes the panic that tells another they are crazy or too loud and disregards a person’s truth. Anger says, “This is not right.” Fear says, “I’ll define what’s right” because it’s so scared of losing what it sees as its stronghold on power. Who has more of what we need right now– the victim that tells their truth coming from a place of “this is not right” or the offender who says the victim is lying and attempt to change the truth so they can be right and keep up the status quo? If anger leads us to shout, “This is not right” and inspires us to tell our truth despite having those in fear try to keep us silent, then let anger reign. Thank you anger.
Speak your truth. You are not crazy, selfish, out of control, irrational or being political. Those are the words people in fear use to silence your story, your truth. And if what you have to say causes conflict with another, then have that hard conversation. Practice speaking your truth at an everyday level. Be open about what you feel, see, or hear. Meaningful change occurs when we speak our truth to one person at a time. Confidence is never about a belief in one’s ability, it’s about being brave enough to have hard conversations. Confident people are the courageous people that disrupt patterns of thoughts, behaviors or just invite others to see things from their perspective or in a different way. The confident are the courageous innovators that listen despite a lack of agreement and work towards a common solution for all. They feel fear but are truth-tellers, not truth-changers. Anger drives them to make things right in our everyday existence and not necessarily fight for being right. This is what makes friendships, marriages, families and collectively conscious organizations function for the good of all its members. Thank you anger.
When you tell your story, expect to get dirty. The fearful fling mud at truth-tellers. Wipe the mud off your face and keep talking despite how dirty you get. Thank anger for driving you to tell your story. Thank anger for giving you the courage to have hard conversations and do difficult things. Thank anger for teaching you the importance of listening to everyone’s story because you know what it feels like to not be heard. Thank the Divine for giving us hard emotions that remind us to freakin’ let go of fear because no matter what, we are all worthy and given the capacity to love despite thinking differently. That’s the love that leads us to wipe the mud off the face of another because you believe in the power of hearing everyone’s truth. You rock anger.
Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!
- Think about a time when you felt angry. What happened? How did you handle it?
- Anger is about injustice. Does that statement resonate with you? Why or why not?
- Have you ever been labeled crazy, irrational and/or a trouble-maker because you’ve expressed anger? Looking back, were those labels justified or did your anger make sense?
- Confident people are courageous people who speak or act despite fear. Have you ever acted in this manner? Why or why not?
- How can you start speaking your truth one person at a time? Create an intention to do so.
Kimberly Gruber 