It’s a good idea to ask myself every once in a while, “Who’s driving?” Is it me or my fear, my worry, my attempt to control the world or the expectations of others? There are a lot of folks who believe their Higher Power controls the wheel at all times. Maybe that’s true. What I do know for sure is my Higher Power, who I call “God”, is with me in the car all the time. If I fail to feel God’s closeness, it’s always on me. He never hops out of the car leaving me alone and abandoned. We just pull the car over and take turns driving sometimes. God gives himself a break from gripping the wheel to see what I can do when left to my own devices. I can’t become a better, more aware driver if I never take over the wheel and keep God from moving over into the passenger seat. How will I ever learn to rely on the gifts he’s given me and deal with the wrong turns I’ve taken if someone or something else is always driving for me? God’s in the passenger seat coaxing me along and providing a loving presence even when I hit pot hole after pot hole. If there’s constant judgement concerning my mistakes, it’s my own. He hears me, sees me, and takes all the bumps and rough turns and just reminds me to begin again. God doesn’t ask me to drop him off at the nearest exit and he’s not scared of where I take him. Because no matter where I go, whether my destination is on track or frighteningly not, I know I can rely on him and my inner GPS to move on and find my way again. I’ll never learn to rely on the gifts he’s given me if I’m never given the opportunity to prove to myself that I’m capable of figuring shit out. He wants me to trust him because I’ve learned to love him for hanging in there with me and not because he’s always driving. God wants me to trust in me too. Because when I do, God turns the radio up real loud and we belt out whatever’s playing and just drive. A car party is always in order when we deal with rough roads together and I come out the other side a better driver.

Sometimes fear does all the driving. It takes a lot of courage to look fear right in the face and kick its sorry ass out of my car. At the same time, I don’t want fear to keep me bolted to my seat and staring out the window watching the world go by never knowing what could be if I actually took over the wheel. If fear drives, I’m less in control of my thoughts, my choices, where I want to go and who I want to be. I may feel safer letting fear drive all the time. But, what I give up to feel safer is my freedom to choose. Being the driver of my own life doesn’t mean I won’t get lost, hit by other drivers, breakdown and get flat tires. Those moments suck. But, so does not choosing to live my own life. Pushing fear out of the driver’s seat is the only way I’ll ever get the chance to experience the beauty of the unknown, open roads that stretch into the horizon before me. They’re filled with expansiveness and opportunities that I could never have imagined. Fear won’t ever take me there. It’ll just tell me to stay small, announce that I’m a terrible driver and have me believe I can’t handle hard. So, I’ll do my best to remember that fear lies, A LOT. I’ll buckle up, fill my tank and check my gauges on the regular. I’ll try hard to remember that God sits beside me and be grateful for his presence on my ride. I’ll shove some self-compassion in my cup holder and recall the strength and knowing that’s inside me even when things get bumpy. I’ll use my breath to help take me where I need to go next, release my white-knuckled grip on the passenger seat and bravely move behind the wheel. And then, albeit really scary sometimes, it’s pedal to the metal.

In my world, the expectations of others can easily slip into the driver’s seat. If I’m looking outside myself to feel good about me, my choices and the decisions I’m making, then I’m not driving at all. Actually, I’m in a bumper car and completely contained by the built-in barriers imposed by whoever created the ride. I’m controlled by the walls that contain me and the hits of other bumper cars trying to direct my course. Our culture, the world, social media and some people in life will always tell me how to do me. When I get flooded with all the world’s “shoulds” and endless opinions, that’s when it’s time to kick other’s expectations to the curb, listen to my own voice again, ditch the bumper car, find my own wheels and giddy-up. I roll down the windows and let the wind blow through me to help filter out what to toss and what to keep. When I take back the wheel, I look around at all that’s good and all that’s beautiful to remind me where I’m headed and where I need to go now. I get glimpses of nature and sky that shimmer with light coming from the source of all love. And I marvel at how that source sits with me and is all around me, always and forever no matter what. I’ll do my best to stay present to all I see, hear and feel during the journey. I’ll drive as I’m able with an open heart, open-mind and a strong, loving spirit. And I’ll use the roadmaps placed on me by others whether I accepted them or not, to clean up the spills in my car, get behind the wheel all buckled up and trusting in the open road before me.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. Do you ever feel the presence of a Higher Power moving with you in your life? If yes, in what ways do you feel that presence?
2. How do you know when fear is a driving force in your life? How has it limited you and your belief in yourself?
3. Have you ever forced fear from your driver’s seat? If so, how did that go? What did you discover about yourself and the world around you?
4. In what ways has the world driven you to be something you’re not? How has that affected your self-worth and the choices you make?
5. How do you define living with an open heart, an open-mind and strong, loving spirit? If those elements were more present in your life, how would it be different? How do these elements help you create your own roadmap?