Making yourself smaller doesn’t necessarily make you safer. If you’re crouching in the woods hiding from danger, maybe rolling into a tight ball and burrowing might keep you unseen and safer. But if you’ve learned to make yourself “invisible” because you’ve done so in the past to seek safety, it’s time to rethink that strategy. Hiding may feel safe sometimes, but is it all the time? Your body may be safe crouched in that tight ball, but your mind is far from feeling safe. You can only experience what you invite or see in your confined space and that can make everything else unknown, intimidating or scary. You don’t know safety until you take a chance, unravel yourself out of that tight ball, and learn that you can do tough things and figure stuff out. It’s the only way to develop trust in yourself and others. You learn that for the most part, things work out pretty ok if you take a chance, because it’s happened to you or you’ve witness it with others. You’ve got to leave the safety of your confines to see that and know it’s true. That truth provides a very meaningful sense of safety, encourages you to step out into the world and leave your footprint proving you are here, ready to go and try. Maybe you’re motivated to leave your self-imposed confines because you’ve come to the realization that if you never step forward, you’ll always be in the same place and that place is starting to stink. That’s a good reason to step out and take a chance too.
You took a big chance, a big step when you were defenseless and reliant on your caregivers. You walked. You were fearless and you had faith that viewing the world from your feet instead of your knees would change everything. And it did. You pulled yourself up by holding onto someone or something and moved towards the cheers of those calling your name. Your gait had a Frankenstein-like quality but you kept your eyes on world from a new perspective and moved from the safety of your knees to your two tiny feet. You fell a lot and maybe even got hurt too. But if you’re walking now, it’s proof that you cried, pulled yourself up and walked again. You were the bravest walker ever. You focused on progressing from two steps to thousands, one day branching out and walking towards other babies as courageous as you. You didn’t stop walking because you feared you weren’t going to do it perfectly. You progressed step by awkward step eventually running, skipping and dancing towards a new space, a new experience and new people. Because of your willingness to step in a new direction, the whole walking thing brought about relationships and experiences that allowed you to trust in yourself and others. That feels safe, so you took more chances like jogging, playing basketball or riding a bike. Your progression never would have happened if you chose to stay in your comfort zone and on your knees. By taking your first step you connected with people, nature and the world. Healthy connections allow us to feel safe and remind us why we fight to remain standing.
If you never take the chance to experience something new and see that you can handle it, then everything is going to seem scary. It could go well or it could go not so well. When it doesn’t go well, you get the chance to make things right, chart another path or learn that it’s ok to accept help. You join the group of other brave souls that left the safety of their rooms, because they believed like you, that we all can find a deeper sense of safety when we experience life with each other. Alone in our own heads and space never gives us the opportunity to build the social callus we need to strengthen our resolve and take another chance on this world. We are not alone in our fear of taking the first step. Most people we encounter are good, doing the best they can and they mess up sometimes. The thing is, you’ll never feel comradery with that group if you stay inside your space or your own head believing that’s the only way to feel safe. You’ll never know what it feels like to be secure in your own abilities or feel the love and support of others who are working on feeling secure too.
The universe shivers when you say “Aw hell no!” to taking a chance or moving in a different direction because of fear. Fear didn’t stop you from walking when you were a baby. That’s why the universe shakes her head in confusion and patiently waits. Fear will have you believe it’s safer staying on your knees, because you’re less likely to get hurt or feel embarrassed. Maybe that’s true in some cases. But, if you never take a chance, you’ll never know love or witness how the universe will guide you if you’re open to all possibilities. The Divine and her universe will always wait in hopeful anticipation for your consent, since it’s the only way to catch her flow and get started in doing your life’s work. The Divine will give you the time and space you need to fall, to be held and get up again even when your reply is a scared, meek “Yes.” There’s a sense of protection, safety and security in knowing we can rise and figure stuff out when we hold hands with others and the Divine as we ride the current of the universe. That’s scary and safe at the same time, but much less scary then never trying at all.
Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!
- Do you feel a sense of safety when you isolate? Why or why not?
- Think of an instance when you moved out of your comfort zone and took a chance. Why did you do so and what have you learned because you did?
- How would your life look if you focused more on your progress instead of perfection?
- What does it feel like or what are you reminded of when you speak to other folks who express fear in taking chances too?
- Do you believe the Divine and the universe provide you opportunity? Why/why not?
Kimberly Gruber 