I spend a lot of time in the Lost and Found Department. I’m usually looking for answers, guidance or clues to satisfy a moment of curiosity or searching for my light of truth to help me find my way. Again. Some answers are easily found and others will never be answered in this lifetime. Sometimes I show up at the Lost and Found looking for myself. Again. How do I get so lost from myself and who I really am? How did my self-awareness get buried in the pile of shit found in the beat up boxes of items easily brushed aside? What I know for sure is that when I get lost from me, it’s usually an incrementally slow, sneaky fall away from myself. I’m always a child of God and that remains steadfast and true. But, the spokes that radiate out from that love are the things I uniquely bring to this world – the me. I’m responsible for working to keep those spokes of special in tact and shining brightly for the common good. My self-awareness is my guidepost and compass. That means it’s a pretty important tool for my life’s journey. That’s why I’ll show up at the Lost and Found desperate and determined to dig through the box until I find my me and start again.

Keeping me tucked safely away by my side is a daily effort. The ways of this world often make keeping close to who I am tricky. Self-awareness means being present and aware. I have to notice, discern and handle what I see, hear and feel. I have to trust that I can figure things out by looking inward while not losing sight of what’s going on around me. I’m always learning and try my best to lead with my learning and my knowing. But, sometimes that’s hard because the world often defines me in ways that are external and limiting and it can skew my thinking. Usually I’m on to them. Most of the time. Sometimes, I’m just tired of it all and I need to get quiet, rest and wait for me to return. It’s always internal work, hard work and up to me alone to keep it real. I have to look where I spend my time. I have to be aware of where I gather my worth. If it’s on my phone comparing and contrasting my external with another, I’m looking for myself in the wrong place. My self-awareness comes from holding my value and my limitations in my hands at the same time and noticing, discerning and handling what I see in me with dignity, compassion and grace. That’s how I stay true to me.

I look to my fear when I lose who I am. Fear is a cloud that hides my light and truth. Asking myself what I’d do in that moment if I didn’t have that fear, literally lets my colors shine and there I am. It doesn’t mean I have no more fear. It just means that fear is not who I am and I’ll fight hard to not let it keep me from myself or run my life. I work hard to see who’s driving – me or something else- and fight to stay behind the wheel despite my fear or what I believe the world would have me do. I may need to pull over once in a while to catch my breath, hang on, become aware and stay true to me. My me will always tell me to focus on my inner strength and creativity because she knows focusing on what I cannot control will only prolong the pain. Shit gets real sometimes. I just want to make sure the life I’m living is the life that is meant for me. Becoming an expert on anything takes time and includes a lot of blood, sweat, tears and mistakes. My me is ready. She does her best to stick by me like glue even when I run off in the wrong direction. Fortunately, we always meet up in the Lost and Found and I dig for her and take her home. Tomorrow is another day, another try and another opportunity to put my me on full display and watch her do her thing.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. How do you know when you’ve lost your “me”?
2. Think of a moment when you were fully being led by your “me”. How did that feel and what did you notice?
3. How does the world keep you from your “me” and limit your ability to shine?
4. Self comparison can erode how you feel about yourself. Why? How does it hinder the internal work we all need to do to find our “me”.
5. What would your life look life if you let go of your fear of ________? (failure, concern over what others think, doing uncomfortable etc.)