I am interested in the beauty found in humans and the struggles we encounter as well.  People have an amazing capacity to seek out truth and seek out meaning despite less then desirable circumstances.  Many of the at-risk kids I worked with as an educator taught me a lot about struggle and the ability to rise above it.  These children carried such heavy suitcases filled with trauma. How did these kids walk with such a burden, let alone learn and trust anyone, including themselves? I witnessed what seemed impossible on countless occasions. Yet, many of these kids never lost their ability to feel hopeful, allowing them to offset the trauma and all the negative in their lives at least for brief reprieves. Usually with the help of even just one individual and a lot of painful, emotional processing, these kids rose above their circumstances and built a life brick by brick. They were present in their pain, but did not get stuck in it. It was evident to me, they made their truth and their hope for tomorrow, bigger than their fears. These kids were resilient, persistent, gritty “miners” for truth, hope and joy and they have much to teach the world right now.

I love the word “grit” when describing someone who has experienced unfathomable pain and yet continues to make an attempt to search for valuable stuff. The word “grit” evokes a sweaty, dirty, rock-blasting, miner searching for something despite being encapsulated 5 miles under the earth. It is sheer will that forces us to never stop until we find what we’ve been looking for despite being hit with rocks, dust and loud noises. We need “grit” so we never give up the search for those things that have redeemable value, always hoping our lives will be better once we hold the gem in our hands.

Our truth is what gives us value, gives us purpose and gives our lives meaning. Our truth comes from knowing what we are capable of regardless of what we have been told by the world around us. People can hear all day long wonderful things about themselves, but until they start to believe it too, not a whole lot will change. What is it that you tell yourself? Do you have the ability to look back and be a witness to all you’ve overcome, all the people you’ve loved (in big and small ways) and own it? That’s how you mine for your truth. You see how your uniqueness and life experiences have fostered positive change in yourself and in others. That’s your truth.

I found out for the third time, I’m going to be a grandmom. That’s hope personified. With all that is going on in our lives right now and all the trauma so many people are experiencing, babies are still being born because hope is leading the way. It reveals that there is a belief that things will get better and that by planting in the present now, we have faith that we will witness some pretty serious joy down the road. Reveling in that thought just feels good and we could all use a little of that right now.

So, notice what you are awesomely capable of, look for things that make you feel hopeful and find joy. Use your “grit” to not give up on yourself and the world around you. And while we are constantly reminded of how contagious and virulent this COVID-19 is, equally contagious is one’s search for truth, hope and joy. Work on your “grit” and never stop chiseling away for the things that have eternal value and make a big difference in your life and mine.

Questions to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. When you think about people (or maybe even you) who have gone through difficult times and have built a life from the ashes in lieu of suffocating in them, what have you witnessed about their/your struggle to overcome?
2. Are you able to recall a time when your hope was bigger than your fears? How did “grit” walk you through that fear? What did it look like? What self-talk was evident during this experience?
3. How are you living your life now that indicates your are mining for hope?
4. For many who are suffering, doing something for another often makes us feel proactive, useful and is enough to foster hope that we are capable. What can you do to support or “lift” another? Keep it simple.
5. Think about what brings you joy (anything!) and discover what brings others joy. Make a list and work it. Joy is a contagion worthy of spreading.

There is a collective fatigue that is plaguing a lot of people right now.  It stems from uncertainty and a loss of our normal.  Many people are experiencing not only a loss of normalcy, but a loss of their livelihood and income.  This crisis will strip some bare and at the very least, change us all in some way as we move forward.  But how do we move forward or in some cases just stand still so we don’t roll downhill?

We are all carrying a big bag of “rocks”. Rocks called “worry”, “fright”, “concern”, “anxiety”, “sadness”, “shock” and “loss”. Some may be carrying more rocks than others. How do we unload these rocks or at least put them down for a bit? The answer lies within our own sense of hope and the support and compassion of others. We have to name these rocks we carry, feel them, hold them in our hands and then allow them to drop. These rocks will fall from our hands, just like emotion. Knowing that may provide some relief. But denying what’s in our bag will only make the bag feel heavier. We need to notice, name and accept what we carry so we can deal with what we are holding. Sometimes we need others to help lighten our load. At other times, we have the ability to lighten the load for others. This is how we move forward. We call on our own fortitude and we reach out for support from others. If this crisis teaches us just one thing, I hope that it brings a collective, cultural recognition of just how interdependent we are on each other. We are meant to be in community during good times and times of challenge. It is how we are wired.

Having compassion for ourselves is something we can do to lessen the collective load.  It’s important to recognize our own suffering and understand what we need to self-soothe.  To recognize our own suffering is not selfish.  It does not increase the suffering of others when we recognize our own.  Comparing our circumstances and deciding who deserves more compassion does not help anyone.  I am reminded as a child of God, that God has enough love and compassion for everyone, in every circumstance.  So, if we pray for ourselves and others and practice self-love and love for others, we are moving forward.  What might practicing self-love look like – keeping a gratitude journal, a walk outside, meditation, snuggling with our pet, creating, sleeping, reading, talking, praying, eating healthfully, noticing our breath or just standing outside looking at the stars at night? When you take these reprieves for yourself, you have the ability to focus on the present and thus take your attention from the “rocks” that pull you into focusing on the future or past, none of which you can manipulate or change.  You may feel a sense of relief, peace or maybe even witness some magic.  You may even be able to sustain enough peace practicing self-compassion that you will have the energy to reach out and love someone else. And loving someone else could just be a smile, a hug, a talk or even a game of scrabble – remember scrabble? It has been fun to witness the creative ways people have shown love.  So the big question is,  “How can I show love?”  Showing love creates hope and that feels good for those who give it and those who receive it.  This is how we move forward.