The best and most honest, life-changing stories come from our hearts. These are the stories that are real, raw, and a reflection of who we truly are before the world or our egos take over the story line. The heart voice is the one we were given on the day we were born – the same day we were given the gift of worthiness, light and love. Our hearts were stamped “worthy” on our birthdays and this divine granting of value can never be changed despite what we were told by the world or our own mind or ego. Our stories are precious, painful, full of wisdom and shout of our one-of-a-kind uniqueness. We are miracles, deserving of awe and wonder. If we all believed this, we’d be able to see the miracle of being in everyone else too.

When we can’t see the miraculous nature of our being, we alter our stories and it hurts. It’s like giving back all the winnings from the Powerball lottery because we don’t believe we deserve the prize. We’ve forgotten that our heart is forever stamped “worthy” despite all the mistakes we make, despite the pain inflicted on us and how the world has affected our thoughts and lives. We need to decide on a daily basis, if we are going to give our power over to the world, our judgement obsessed ego or if we are going to listen to the wisdom of our hearts. Are we going to fight our way back to a life-giving force or let the fear in our minds take over? The powerful current of heart wisdom will not always be smooth sailing, but at least they’ll be no swimming upstream which is exhausting and life-draining. Which river are you going to ride?

The heart will always remind us of our strength to paddle as we ride the river of our story. The fear-based ego will always tell us we are not good enough and keep us solely focused on every obstacle we face as we swim upstream. We give power to the things we look at, focus on and listen to. Raise your eyes upward towards the flow of your heart-minded, creative, higher vision. If you allow your wisdom to bring you to a particular river, then trust that you will be given the tools you need to right yourself when the rapids pummel your boat. Get out of your own way. The Divine is ahead of you, clearing the path because the Divine knows where you need to go. The Divine and your heart are one. Stop trying to take the river that looks easier and more acceptable to others. Stop trying to paddle ahead of the Divine because your ego tells you things aren’t moving fast enough.

Your heart story will be a of beacon of light for everyone. That’s why you were born. Spend every day listening to it. Practice spending time in silence and nurture your heart truth. Focus on your longings, your creativity, your gifts to this world. Talk about the vision of the world your heart longs for and fight for it. Listen to other’s heart stories with understanding and non-judgement. This is an act of love. When we show up in our own lives because we know we are worthy, this is an act of love as well. Kneel down with the Divine next to your heart, listen closely and wait with anticipation for what happens upstream. And don’t fear the tide, our life vest of worthiness doesn’t come off.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. If you were going to summarize your heart story in one sentence (so hard to do), what would it be and why?
2. How has your ego prevented you from telling your story? Why does your mind/ego have so much weight?
3. List the ways you’ve altered your heart story and think about why this happened. How do you plan on moving closer to your truth?
4. What will you think about this week that will lift you? Write it down. We give power to the ideas or thoughts we choose to notice.
5. Jot down heart whispers, thoughts, dreams and/or directions. Remember this voice works in tandem with the Divine. How will you use your voice?

I remember many years ago hearing a celebrity say, “I have no regrets.” Hmmm. I can’t say I agree. To say you’ve never felt badly about anything you’ve said or done indicates to me no remorse. If you think communally, remorse must be present. Regret serves a purpose in the human experience because we are imperfect and make mistakes. By holding ourselves accountable, we learn, grow and practice vulnerability. It may be the catalyst for change leading to better and more honest relationships. It allows us to practice being courageous. It takes guts to shine the spotlight on what we know we could have handled better. When someone tries to makes things right, they are attempting to repair and foster connection. Feeling connection even when we’re angry, hurt or disappointed in ourselves or others, allows us to feel less alone or understood or forgiven. Feeling remorse and searching for forgiveness or asking for forgiveness, gives us the opportunity to deepen our relationships. And if there’s no connection, or the relationship does not feel safe, then regret may teach us to move on.

Maybe the celebrity was talking about a different type of regret. There’s the regret we feel when we’ve made a choice in our lives that did not meet our expectations. We took a chance, revealed our soul and said goodbye to something safe, predictable and familiar. We actually listened to the voice inside us that said it was time to move on, change things up, try something new, be courageous. There’s struggle after the heroic effort of jumping the tracks. Typically, that’s when regret comes knocking and we best kick it to the curb. This type of regret prevents us from looking at all the open doors available to us because we chose to make a change. This type of regret grabs our face and forces us to stare at the door we chose to close because we want a new path, a second chance, a new beginning. This type of regret reminds us of only the good aspects of what we left behind which surge into our brain when we struggle during our new normal. Go to battle with this type of regret by naming it instead of denying it doesn’t exist. This type of regret is often called fear and/or shame. If we don’t name it, we can’t work with it.

Shame-based regret happens when we question ourselves, our core being, our worthiness. That happens sometimes when the struggle involves us taking a chance, putting it on on the line and a pie hits us in the face. Here’s how we armor up and fight for our worth. We acknowledge our bravery, we recognize that when we forge a new path in the wilderness it requires blood, sweat, tears and a machete to chop away what hinders us. We recognize all the space before us, the hands on our backs that support us and believe that everything we’ve packed for our journey will provide sustenance. Here’s what to pack: faith, hope, willpower, courage and the ability to get up and rise every time a pie hits you in the face. Most importantly, don’t forget to pack the belief that the Divine has amazing plans for you that you never could have seen coming. There are so many open doors before you. So many that it leaves you little time to focus on the closed doors you’ve left behind.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. Think of a time when you held yourself accountable with another. Did your action foster change in you? If so, in what ways?
2. Do you feel connection with another when you offer forgiveness? Why or why not?
3. Have you regretted any choice you’ve made that has evoked shame?If so, how has the shame affected your well-being or you ability to move on?
4. Does regret plague you concerning a choice you’ve made that you know was for the best? Why?
5. Why do we focus on what we’ve lost instead of keeping our eyes on the open doors before us? Are there moments when this occurs more often? Are there moments when this occurs less? Why and/or when?

I’ve been traveling around the sun on this big ball called earth since May 19th, 1964. That’s 56 revolutions around the sun being held in place by gravity. I’ve been traveling around the sun through time and space without stopping, marking away time. And if I choose to mark away time, I want to do so and have it mean something. It starts by examining myself and observe what I do, watch, buy, say or not say, and discern if my actions either heal or tear down. This type of revolution is an upheaval in the status quo. It is an examining of what works and what doesn’t. This type of revolution requires that I connect with the Divine to gather the strength and overturn or reinforce belief systems put in place by privilege, struggles and life experiences. Lasting change has to start with a personal upheaval first and is the only way to end personal and global suffering.

Bring about your own revolution. First, remind yourself everyday that you are needed here. You need not be stagnant in your time and space. It is your job to swim through the murky seaweed and debris in constant search for how you want to live your life and how it may affect the lives of others. In a revolution, you have a job to do, a lesson to learn, and a purpose to discover that you will share directly or indirectly with another. For a revolution, your purpose doesn’t involve material, it involves action. To support, to teach, to calculate, to heal, to guide, to sow, to assemble, to unite, to create, to share, to research, to communicate, to love, to do something – this is where you start. Your voice working in tandem with the Divine will miraculously find a way to help you figure out the rest.

It is fear that keeps institutions in place that promote systemic oppression. The people that support these institutions are too afraid to start their own personal revolution. They fear change. They fear love. They are afraid of what might be if they lose their privilege. They fear having to share resources and care for people that they deem less than so they can maintain their thwarted view of being “better than”. They fear not having enough if they don’t have more than those they oppress. Revolutionaries for positive change must be braver than that. You may feel fear but don’t let that fear stop you from doing the right thing over and over again until we freakin’ get it right.

Fight for your piece of the planet where you may begin to plant and grow some self-love because that’s what fuels the courage to share that love. Courage in action is a group of protesters and police officers walking together holding similar signs demanding a change in our status quo. It was a personal choice on the part of a few people to stand next to each other and start a revolution in a way that may have a lasting effect. It was simple and powerful just like the gravity that keeps us planted here. Gravity is an invisible force that pulls objects toward each other and the closer the objects are the stronger the gravitational pull. Let gravity do its thing and pull us together for equality and peace. Take action. Open your mouth and call people on their shit. At minimum, vote. Make your revolutions count not by marking away time, but making the most of each moment and the decisions you make as you track around the sun.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. Think of one change you can make to bring about change in your life. How might your personal change affect the lives of others?
2. Do you recognize the privilege you’ve experienced in your lifetime? What is it and how has it affected your life and the lives of others?
3. What about the current strife our world is experiencing due to oppression scares you and why?
4. Why are we so uncomfortable with difference?
5. A revolution starts with empathy and compassion for self and others. How will you improve upon these virtues in your own life and in the world?

Waiting is usually hard.  There are different types of waiting too.  There’s the waiting where you just-want-to-know-the-outcome-of-a-movie-to-put-an- end-to-your-suspense type of waiting.  There’s the waiting in anticipation of a joyous event like the birth of a baby, a vacation or a loved one’s return home.  Or, it can be the type of waiting that is intense worry because how this waiting ends is dependent on the call from a doctor. Then there’s the waiting for something to end knowing the outcome will be different than anything we’ve experienced before. Waiting-in-line-at-the-supermarket-so-we-can-get-on-to-our-next-thing is another type of waiting too.  When we release our waiting, no matter how painful, into the hands of a being bigger than us, that’s involves waiting on the Divine.

While we wait, there are two things that we can control that help us wait – breathing in the present moment and letting go.  All the human wishing, wanting, arguing and pleading usually has no affect on the wait time or outcomes. What we really want while we wait is a reprieve from the worry and uncertainty so we can move on.  But, there is something valuable that happens in that wait time or limbo as we wait.  Passing time may make the pain more bearable, but it’s what we do with that time that helps us heal. Perhaps the Divine brings about waiting to get us to be still and to notice.  In stillness we are able to feel our longings and not run away or be distracted by the loudness of the world.  In stillness we have the opportunity to see how our fortitude and creativity foster our ability to adapt to the waiting.  You may notice what inspires you and begin to feel that this is the Divine at work within you.  Look for it and listen carefully. There is beauty and meaning in the struggle as we wait. 

As you wait on the Divine to walk with you to that next thing – be it big or small – try to be aware of those people or things that feed you and help you maintain your peace and patience.  Is it a friend that brings you light, your pet, the sun, an affirming thought, a smile from a stranger, a sweet memory or a chocolate chip cookie? Maybe its remembering that you’re not alone that gives you a moment of peace. Just one moment of peace may be enough to feed our faith and turn our patience into tempered steel. Fortified patience allows you to hang on and be in anticipation of whatever comes next. The next thing just might be the ability to breathe again or the realization of a dream.

There are moments of waiting that still range from uncomfortable to unbearable.  Just try to be awake enough to notice the angels sent by the Divine’s bidding, that hold us while we wait.  If you’re waiting on the Divine, you’re waiting on the pull from the tether that is attached to your light and that of the Divine’s.  The tether is a braid made up of hope, faith and love.  You’ll need those virtues because while you may be pulled by the Divine into something wonderful, navigating unchartered territory is scary and exciting at the same time.  Hold onto the tether of virtues and be patient.  That’s what we learn from waiting.  Be brave, have faith in your capabilities and get your buckets ready to catch everything the Divine pours into your life. Wrap yourself in the thought that as you wait, the Divine is always waiting on you too.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. Does recognizing the different types of waiting speak to you? If so, think about what you have gleaned from each type.
2. We have the ability to be in the present moment and let go. Why is this so hard to do sometimes? Think of ways you can start this practice of being present. The key word in the previous phrase is “practice”.
3. Have you ever felt inspired while waiting? What happened? How did it feel?
4. What feeds your patience while waiting? Make a list.
5. Using the list you created in the previous question, think about how the Divine and the virtues of hope, faith and love relate to each item on your list.
6. Do you feel connected to the Divine and in what ways? Have you ever felt the pull? Why or why not?

I am noticing nature more lately, especially trees.  It’s hard to not notice all the color that suddenly bursts into the world at the onset of Spring.  Seeing all the green and all the newness just feels good.  I’ll stand under a huge tree and look up at the branches and leaves and be in awe of her beauty and the root system that pulls just what it needs from the earth to sustain this amazing thing. These roots grow deep and wide sometimes busting through rock and crappy soil constantly searching for nutrients to survive and flourish.  All the while, these amazing beings protects us, provide for new life, feed us oxygen and clean the air so we can live on this planet. What trees actually do, sounds very maternal to me.

Watch a tree during a storm.  They bend, sway and lose leaves as they get pummeled by snow, wind and rain.  After a big storm of snow and ice, the branches of trees carry the burden of what hit them.  Branches bend due to the accumulation of frozen mix collected during the storm.  Some branches even break and fall because of the weight they carry. Those who hold on to the trunk, patiently wait until the sun comes out so its heat can begin to melt away what their branches are holding. The sun’s rays and the reflection this creates, turns branches into shiny jewels as they release the burden of what had befallen them earlier drip by drip. I feel relief for the tree as I watch her branches move up towards the sky because they are lighter and unencumbered.  The sun has released the tree from its burden and fed the tree what it needs to grow again or just hold on, warmth and light.

There is so much to learn from trees.  Think about your roots.  What are the things that keep us grounded, allow us to flourish or sometimes just keep us from becoming completely uprooted?  To start, it’s faith, a sense of capability, self-awareness and love.  These are the roots that drive us to search out good soil and pull what we need from something as simple as dirt.  We try to grow our roots deep and wide because we believe there is more to life sometimes than what we see.  It’s not easy busting through rocky soil and it is not without hard work, but it can be done. We’re also capable of sending out a new shoot in a different direction if all else fails. Being aware of what we feed our roots either fosters our feelings of capability or stunt our growth.  Self-loathing does not bring about positive change and send our branches skyward, only self-love does that.  And even when a branch breaks off our trunks, this natural pruning allows us to grow in a different way often leaving us stronger because we’ve released something that was taking up way too much of our energy and time.

I feel comforted knowing that trees and humans are unique, interdependent creatures in constant search for loving nutrients and light. Community is a forest made up of one-of-a-kind people searching for growth and light together realizing when one of us goes down, it will affect the whole forest. This fall, pick up an acorn, hold it in your palm and look up at the oak that dropped it to start new life. Marvel at all that is contained in that tiny package and be reminded of all that’s contained in you. Let your colors shine.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. What do you love about trees and why?
2. Sunshine causes the ice to melt off of branches after a storm, allowing the tree to release its burden. During this process, the sun’s light reflects off of the icy branches causing them to look like shiny jewels. What has melted away in your life that has revealed a shiny jewel?
3. What sustains and grows your roots? Are they the same as listed above? What would you add or what might you take away?
4. A tree’s roots are kept encased in burlap and rope before it’s planted and it will not flourish until what confines it is cut away. What is keeping you from growing or expanding? What do you need to prune to promote moving deeper into the earth and lift towards the sun?
5. Acorns are pregnant with possibility. Write or think about what that means and how that relates to you.

I watched a friend break the other day and thought to myself, “What a brave, beautiful thing to reveal yourself when you’re broken.” It means you’ve let go of composure because you can’t contain the pain.  It means you’ve mustered the courage to talk about what hurts, feel it, process it and spill it all over the floor.  The weak hide it, deny it, take it out on others and take it out on themselves.  For sure, I’ve done both.  It is an act of surrender.  It is brave, it is honest, it is raw and authentic. 

We apologize and make excuses for our brokenness because we worry about being judged for not maintaining our composure and self-control. We’ve been acculturated by the misogynistic ideal that women are just too emotional to handle life or positions of power because we choose sometimes to show or talk about how we feel. Sadly, because of this same misguided mindset, when men visibly feel or show emotion, they are likened to women – unstable and weak. I get so pissed off when I hear fathers tell boys who are crying to “Stop acting like a girl!” and even more angry when those words are spoken by their mom.  What they really are saying is “Stop feeling. Why would you want to act like a weak girl who feels?” What does a girl think when she witnesses this scene? What message is sent to the boy?

Girl: “I am less than because I cry. It must be true because my mom says it too.”  

Boy: “I’m deficient like a girl when I cry.”

That’s so messed up.

I’ve helped people unravel this mess in therapy. This scenario is always accompanied by other similar misogynistic messages that do great damage to boys and girls. The therapeutic work requires doing what people were denied doing as a child causing the damage in the first place – feeling and owning those feelings. It means you must be true to who you are and work on loving every part of your beautiful self, broken pieces and all. I would much rather hang out with those brave enough to break once in awhile. It fosters my ability to break, wait and pick up the pieces. It makes us both stronger.

Human brokenness is indicative of a crisis and crisis is like a birth – never free of pain or noise. Birth is all about life giving life.  Our raw emotions at that time usher in a miracle.  Our brokenness and all the disruption that springs from that, have the ability to create magic. It is a female feat of the highest honor that would be wise to emulate. Right at the point when a woman breaks her body to offer life to another, she screams, grunts, curses and cries as that human being emerges from a tiny space.  It’s raw, hurts like hell and also brings deliverance.  This breaking is messy and a compilation of so many emotions that it should have it’s own name.  For now, I’ll call it courage.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. Think of a time when you were broken. What triggered the event and how did you work through it?
2. Think of a time where you didn’t feel safe to feel and let it out. What were the circumstances and how did you handle it?
3. Did you ever share your brokenness with someone and felt judged. Think about how that influenced your future choices when it comes to keeping it real.
4. Have you ever felt “less than” due to cultural expectations? Record the events and question the legitimacy of these expectations.
5. What has brokenness taught you?

My daughter shared a quote with me that was posted outside a London Tube station: “A caterpillar grows wings during a season of isolation.  Remember that.”  God, that’s good. It evokes such spectacular imagery for me. The world would be adorned with millions of butterflies if we took that quote to heart.  To learn about ourselves and all that we are capable of doing, we need to go inward, look at what’s there and work out what we need to work out.  If you want to become that butterfly, you have to accept the fact that you need the time to observe, feel and find the beauty in struggle.  It takes time, is often painful and a lot of hard work to look at what’s going on inside your cocoon and discern what supports your metamorphosis and what hinders your ability to fly. 

Let’s face it, it’s safe inside the cocoon.  We don’t have to fear the judgement of others.  We don’t have to step out of our comfort zone and move on.  We don’t have to take chances and face uncertainty.  We don’t have to look at the pain that binds our wings if we’ve decided we’re never going to use them anyway.  If we choose to stay safe inside our cocoon, we can avoid looking at what it takes to end our struggle to break free.  The price we pay for not evolving into that butterfly is hefty.  We just sit in our cocoon never knowing what it feels like to do what we were meant to do. We lose our ability to fly.

All the things we use to deal with our suffering in an unproductive way, involve looking to the outside to fix what’s going on inside. The approval of others, busyness, food, jobs, sex, money, drugs, alcohol – you name it, the list is endless.  The only thing these “fixes” do is stunt our growth and keep us from moving to the next stage of our wisdom catching. To truly end our pain, we have to hang out with it, figure out what’s going on and get to work.  Feeling broken and trying to grow from that, does not make us unlovable and too damaged to fly.  It is an act of bravery.  We have to wrestle with all the things that hurt us, damaged us and muster the strength to re-build.  It means we look inside, search for our inner voice, listen, feel and trust in our ability to grow wings. We have to do these things so we are able to move onto the runway and prepare for flight.  

Busting out of a cocoon looks like a lot of work.  As that caterpillar moves from inertia to feeling its way around what encapsulates it, a lot happens.  The movement helps the caterpillar develop the strength it needs to break through what keeps it contained. The other butterflies just watch and wait because they know that if they jump in to strip down the cocoon walls for their emerging friend, that butterfly will never develop the strength to do what it was meant to do.  Which is to develop its own flight path given its strengths and struggles and fly solo among the other butterflies that soar proudly, scars and all.

1.  If you’re a human, you’ve struggled.  Recall a situation where you overcame a struggle.  No struggle is too little or too big because all of it triggers learning and growth.

2.  Is it hard to hear your inner voice? Why?

3. What external sources do you rely on to avoid looking at the stuff going on in your cocoon?

4.  What scares you the most about flying and why?

5.  How are you able to support others who are struggling without tearing down their cocoon walls and pulling them out?

We have more control then we think, although lately it doesn’t feel that way. The more I talk to people, the more I hear laments that might be summed up in a single statement – “When will this end?” There is no answer to that question. But, was there ever an answer to the question of uncertainty pre-COVID -19? We can come up with the most detailed plans with the intent to shape our futures, but that doesn’t mean what we’ve set out to do will ever really happen. What I do know for sure, is that we have the ability to adapt when expectations do not meet our reality. Dealing with unmet expectations and uncertainty may be a really hard road to travel, but it is not impossible.

Anxiety springs forth from fear and does have its place in our lives. If we feel anxious, or fearful about a situation, it drives us to act appropriately and prepare as best as we are able. But fear and anxiety on overdrive is harmful to ourselves and others. Fear of what could be leads us to picture a terrible event in our minds with the idea that if you imagine the worst, we’re not as devastated if the event occurs. But is that true? I’m pretty certain that if I lost someone I love, no amount of “mind prep” could take away the devastation and grief I would feel if the event actually occurred. In recent weeks, this type of overthinking is what led so many people to buy tons of toilet paper. Fear leads us to feel anxious and worried which in turn alters our thoughts and ultimately our actions. The good news is, there is something we can do about this tumble down the rabbit hole of overthinking.

Remembering what is factual when one is in fear is where our control comes into play. The fear we conjure up in our minds does not always speak the truth, but what we experience in the present moment is true no matter how pleasing or painful. When uninvited thoughts come into our mind, we have the power in the present moment to look at them, name them as intrusive, automatic and unimportant. Staying in the present with them means we accept the thoughts and don’t push them away. We “watch” these unimportant, fiction-based stories float by us and try our best to not engage with them or attempt to figure out what they mean. Most of the time, what they say to us is bullshit anyway. Some of these thoughts are probable, but hardly possible. Attempting to push the thoughts away and not “see” them, usually makes them come back with more force. Why give these fear-based thoughts that much power? Especially since it’s a fact that fear-based thoughts eventually leave. Noticing this in the present moment, brings us comfort and puts us in control. While it’s safe to say that fearful or anxious thoughts will return, we have the choice to believe these intrusive thoughts or not. It is a certainty that what we believe affects what we tell ourselves, influences our behavior and affects every choice we make.

When these fear-based thoughts come knocking, name these uninvited, fictitious thoughts for what they are – intrusive and fleeting. Then, take a deep breath and be in the present moment with them knowing these buggers pack their bags and leave eventually. Certainty is what is happening right now, not our worries and fear that come by uninvited. The fact that we have the ability to accept what is and know we can adapt to whatever lies ahead is all the certainty we need.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. Think of a recent time when your expectations did not meet reality. How did you adapt?
2. Think of a recent worry or fear. How has it affected your thoughts and behavior?
3. What intrusive thoughts are common for you? How have these automatic thoughts placed limitations on you?
4. Close your eyes and breath deeply and slowly in this present moment. Invite a kind word or statement about you or the world around you. Take a few moments and have this mantra travel through your mind as you breathe.