The current of change.

The current of change.

by kimberly gruber ♥ 2 Comments

Recently, my youngest moved out to live on her own. It was hard but, I know it’s time. This jump for her and me is the natural order of things. I find in these moments of transition amidst the pain and discomfort, there’s a quiet stream of knowing that runs deep inside me. It quietly reminds me to go with the flow of this life current. No matter what’s bubbling on or around the surface of my skin, I’m carried in the flow of this deep, untroubled current even when I fight it and try to swim upstream. A change or transition is like taking a brave jump to that next thing and each leap to the next place before me means I have to find my balance all over again. I’ve got to stop after the jump, breathe, slow down and get my bearings. I have to think about what really just happened and despite the discomfort, rely on the stream of knowing to tenderly hold me afloat while I work on regrouping. With change there is newness and opportunity on one end of the seesaw teetering with the loss of something on the other end. I wait and bob up and down as the loss becomes less heavy and newness and opportunity becomes more apparent and abundant. While in this new place, I teeter and I wait. I remind myself that I’ve been here before and the length of my stay is dependent on the depth of my loss. It may require that I just breathe, or weep or scream but, this time of transition always includes waiting to adapt and find my footing again. I’m a part of the natural world which is always striving for balance by surrendering something and growing something new. Seeds grow in the fertilized soil of things that have burnt to the ground and tender, green leaves bust through the earth to take root in a new place for a new purpose.

When I feel like I’ve reached equilibrium again, I hope to take notice of what this place looks like and feels like. It’s a time to notice, rest, recover and gather. It’s a time to dream, learn and put out the glow of understanding so others know they’re not alone as they work towards balance again too. With my feet planted on level ground, it’s easier for me to reflect on my journey and what to keep for my future travels and what to trash. It’s a time to shine with the wisdom I’ve gleaned, revisit what matters and align once again with my purpose and who I am apart from my losses. It’s a time to practice self-awareness and feel. A lot can happen in equilibrium and that’s nature’s way. We need that time to build our reserves for the next transition and store that strength deep in our bones so our foundation and roots aren’t as easily ripped from the earth when change comes again.

Time moves on and things and moments end. That’s the only way something else can begin. I’ll try to remember that when I carry the hard, heavy feelings and pray for them to move along. This is how change occurs. I wait until the heaviness of uncertainty, fear and sadness leaves so, my arms are freed up to grab opportunity from the fresh, new air that accumulates around me. It’s up to me to breathe in the idea of starting over again despite my fear. It’s up to me to remember that what lies before me can contain beautiful too if I try hard to build from where I am right now given all I know. Eventually, equilibrium will arrive as I become lighter and freer to widen my lens and focus not only on what I’ve lost but all I’ve gained. With each turn of the planet and every courageous leap of faith, I start over again and again.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

  1. Why can change be so hard for us as humans?
  2. What have you lost and what have you gained due to a life change?
  3. What keeps you from being aware of the state of balance or equilibrium? How may noticing this state bring about a sense of growth and learning?
  4. While you wait for the pain of loss to lessen, is there a “knowing” that guides you, holds you and/or comforts you? If yes, what is that knowing?
  5. When you widen your lens of all you see, opportunity may look like many things, thoughts or new ideas. What do you see when you widen your lens?

Who’s driving?

Who’s driving?

by kimberly gruber ♥ 1 Comment

It’s a good idea to ask myself every once in a while, “Who’s driving?” Is it me or my fear, my worry, my attempt to control the world or the expectations of others? There are a lot of folks who believe their Higher Power controls the wheel at all times. Maybe that’s true. What I do know for sure is my Higher Power, who I call “God”, is with me in the car all the time. If I fail to feel God’s closeness, it’s always on me. He never hops out of the car leaving me alone and abandoned. We just pull the car over and take turns driving sometimes. God gives himself a break from gripping the wheel to see what I can do when left to my own devices. I can’t become a better, more aware driver if I never take over the wheel and keep God from moving over into the passenger seat. How will I ever learn to rely on the gifts he’s given me and deal with the wrong turns I’ve taken if someone or something else is always driving for me? God’s in the passenger seat coaxing me along and providing a loving presence even when I hit pot hole after pot hole. If there’s constant judgement concerning my mistakes, it’s my own. He hears me, sees me, and takes all the bumps and rough turns and just reminds me to begin again. God doesn’t ask me to drop him off at the nearest exit and he’s not scared of where I take him. Because no matter where I go, whether my destination is on track or frighteningly not, I know I can rely on him and my inner GPS to move on and find my way again. I’ll never learn to rely on the gifts he’s given me if I’m never given the opportunity to prove to myself that I’m capable of figuring shit out. He wants me to trust him because I’ve learned to love him for hanging in there with me and not because he’s always driving. God wants me to trust in me too. Because when I do, God turns the radio up real loud and we belt out whatever’s playing and just drive. A car party is always in order when we deal with rough roads together and I come out the other side a better driver.

Sometimes fear does all the driving. It takes a lot of courage to look fear right in the face and kick its sorry ass out of my car. At the same time, I don’t want fear to keep me bolted to my seat and staring out the window watching the world go by never knowing what could be if I actually took over the wheel. If fear drives, I’m less in control of my thoughts, my choices, where I want to go and who I want to be. I may feel safer letting fear drive all the time. But, what I give up to feel safer is my freedom to choose. Being the driver of my own life doesn’t mean I won’t get lost, hit by other drivers, breakdown and get flat tires. Those moments suck. But, so does not choosing to live my own life. Pushing fear out of the driver’s seat is the only way I’ll ever get the chance to experience the beauty of the unknown, open roads that stretch into the horizon before me. They’re filled with expansiveness and opportunities that I could never have imagined. Fear won’t ever take me there. It’ll just tell me to stay small, announce that I’m a terrible driver and have me believe I can’t handle hard. So, I’ll do my best to remember that fear lies, A LOT. I’ll buckle up, fill my tank and check my gauges on the regular. I’ll try hard to remember that God sits beside me and be grateful for his presence on my ride. I’ll shove some self-compassion in my cup holder and recall the strength and knowing that’s inside me even when things get bumpy. I’ll use my breath to help take me where I need to go next, release my white-knuckled grip on the passenger seat and bravely move behind the wheel. And then, albeit really scary sometimes, it’s pedal to the metal.

In my world, the expectations of others can easily slip into the driver’s seat. If I’m looking outside myself to feel good about me, my choices and the decisions I’m making, then I’m not driving at all. Actually, I’m in a bumper car and completely contained by the built-in barriers imposed by whoever created the ride. I’m controlled by the walls that contain me and the hits of other bumper cars trying to direct my course. Our culture, the world, social media and some people in life will always tell me how to do me. When I get flooded with all the world’s “shoulds” and endless opinions, that’s when it’s time to kick other’s expectations to the curb, listen to my own voice again, ditch the bumper car, find my own wheels and giddy-up. I roll down the windows and let the wind blow through me to help filter out what to toss and what to keep. When I take back the wheel, I look around at all that’s good and all that’s beautiful to remind me where I’m headed and where I need to go now. I get glimpses of nature and sky that shimmer with light coming from the source of all love. And I marvel at how that source sits with me and is all around me, always and forever no matter what. I’ll do my best to stay present to all I see, hear and feel during the journey. I’ll drive as I’m able with an open heart, open-mind and a strong, loving spirit. And I’ll use the roadmaps placed on me by others whether I accepted them or not, to clean up the spills in my car, get behind the wheel all buckled up and trusting in the open road before me.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

  1. Do you ever feel the presence of a Higher Power moving with you in your life? If yes, in what ways do you feel that presence?
  2. How do you know when fear is a driving force in your life? How has it limited you and your belief in yourself?
  3. Have you ever forced fear from your driver’s seat? If so, how did that go? What did you discover about yourself and the world around you?
  4. In what ways has the world driven you to be something you’re not? How has that affected your self-worth and the choices you make?
  5. How do you define living with an open heart, an open-mind and strong, loving spirit? If those elements were more present in your life, how would it be different? How do these elements help you create your own roadmap?

The lost and found.

The lost and found.

by kimberly gruber ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I spend a lot of time in the Lost and Found Department. I’m usually looking for answers, guidance or clues to satisfy a moment of curiosity or searching for my light of truth to help me find my way. Again. Some answers are easily found and others will never be answered in this lifetime. Sometimes I show up at the Lost and Found looking for myself. Again. How do I get so lost from myself and who I really am? How did my self-awareness get buried in the pile of shit found in the beat up boxes of items easily brushed aside? What I know for sure is that when I get lost from me, it’s usually an incrementally slow, sneaky fall away from myself. I’m always a child of God and that remains steadfast and true. But, the spokes that radiate out from that love are the things I uniquely bring to this world – the me. I’m responsible for working to keep those spokes of special in tact and shining brightly for the common good. My self-awareness is my guidepost and compass. That means it’s a pretty important tool for my life’s journey. That’s why I’ll show up at the Lost and Found desperate and determined to dig through the box until I find my me and start again.

Keeping me tucked safely away by my side is a daily effort. The ways of this world often make keeping close to who I am tricky. Self-awareness means being present and aware. I have to notice, discern and handle what I see, hear and feel. I have to trust that I can figure things out by looking inward while not losing sight of what’s going on around me. I’m always learning and try my best to lead with my learning and my knowing. But, sometimes that’s hard because the world often defines me in ways that are external and limiting and it can skew my thinking. Usually I’m on to them. Most of the time. Sometimes, I’m just tired of it all and I need to get quiet, rest and wait for me to return. It’s always internal work, hard work and up to me alone to keep it real. I have to look where I spend my time. I have to be aware of where I gather my worth. If it’s on my phone comparing and contrasting my external with another, I’m looking for myself in the wrong place. My self-awareness comes from holding my value and my limitations in my hands at the same time and noticing, discerning and handling what I see in me with dignity, compassion and grace. That’s how I stay true to me.

I look to my fear when I lose who I am. Fear is a cloud that hides my light and truth. Asking myself what I’d do in that moment if I didn’t have that fear, literally lets my colors shine and there I am. It doesn’t mean I have no more fear. It just means that fear is not who I am and I’ll fight hard to not let it keep me from myself or run my life. I work hard to see who’s driving – me or something else- and fight to stay behind the wheel despite my fear or what I believe the world would have me do. I may need to pull over once in a while to catch my breath, hang on, become aware and stay true to me. My me will always tell me to focus on my inner strength and creativity because she knows focusing on what I cannot control will only prolong the pain. Shit gets real sometimes. I just want to make sure the life I’m living is the life that is meant for me. Becoming an expert on anything takes time and includes a lot of blood, sweat, tears and mistakes. My me is ready. She does her best to stick by me like glue even when I run off in the wrong direction. Fortunately, we always meet up in the Lost and Found and I dig for her and take her home. Tomorrow is another day, another try and another opportunity to put my me on full display and watch her do her thing.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

  1. How do you know when you’ve lost your “me”?
  2. Think of a moment when you were fully being led by your “me”. How did that feel and what did you notice?
  3. How does the world keep you from your “me” and limit your ability to shine?
  4. Self comparison can erode how you feel about yourself. Why? How does it hinder the internal work we all need to do to find our “me”.
  5. What would your life look life if you let go of your fear of ________? (failure, concern over what others think, doing uncomfortable etc.)
Thank you.

Thank you.

by kimberly gruber ♥ 2 Comments

In my line of work, I spend a lot of time reminding folks that they have worth just for being born. Period. What moves us away from that knowing are the messages and experiences we encounter that make it hard to see that truth. That light of truth gets covered by blankets of darkness made up of lies and pain caused by hurt and trauma. I’m a witness and guide for people trying to find their way back to their light. It gets hard to watch someone navigate their way through the thorny and painful barriers that keep them away from the most valuable thing inside them – self love. But, it’s the only way to untangle and cut through the vines. I’ll stay witness to their solo endeavor and support them in their search for their truth. I’ll hear them and see them as they bravely claw through this pain and try their best to make it back to who they really are. I’ll remind these searchers of their courage, grit and strength proven factual because they’re sitting before me and asking for help. As they scrape, scrap and dig bare-handed to uncover their light, I’ll remind them of another fact too- they can do terrifically, hard things because they’ve done it before and here they stand. And I thank them for allowing me to stand beside them and offer me a bird’s eye view of what the human spirit can accomplish in the name of love.

I roll in the joy that pours from a seeker’s body when they’ve found their way home and back to their light. The air in the room changes because heaven celebrates at that very moment too. The frequency created by the love that rains from the sky cannot be contained and the room tingles with truth and possibility. I’m always filled with gratitude when I witness this rebirth and another’s brave attempt to try again a little smarter and a little wiser gleaned only through hard work and struggle. I’m filled with a million thank-yous for the opportunity to see an awakening and watch someone start again. It’s a reminder to us both to hold on tightly to our light of truth because our lives depend on it. That light is the most important compass and lantern we’ll ever own to keep us from getting lost from ourselves again.

Staying close to your truth is a life-long endeavor and you have to pay attention. It can be tricky sometimes. It means that you do your best to stay aware and on guard in terms of what you let in and accept and what you put out. So, how do we stay close to our truth? By reminding ourselves of who we really are and doing so a lot. What follows the word “I” matters. If they’re words that remind you of your gifts and create a sense of purpose, keep on saying them! If they’re anything close to affirming that no matter what mistakes you make, you still have value and will always be a beloved child of God, then repeat them daily. If they’re words of encouragement, honor and self-compassion, then say them often to help you hold on when needed. And when words of kindness and love are spoken to you from another, drink them up with humbleness and gratitude. Pushing away heart-felt words of appreciation for who you are is not being humble, it just means you need to work on becoming more comfortable holding your truth in your hands. So, just say “Thanks.” Because, when you just say “Thanks”, you acknowledge who you are, the good you’ve done and it keeps you going. Remembering all the wonderful things you have the potential to do in the everyday moments will always keep you close to your light. And living out your truth will always be enough to keep that light shining. So, “Thanks!” for being you and doing the best you can to make this world brighter and your life more meaningful by sticking by your own light and fighting to never let it go.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

  1. What did it require of you to seek out your truth when you were removed from it?
  2. What keeps you from noticing all you are capable of doing?
  3. When have you experienced a shift in the “frequency” of a room based on the experience playing out in that room?
  4. When you witness someone else rebuild their life and find their light again how does that affect you and why?
  5. Saying “Thanks” indicates acknowledgment and appreciation. Why do we sometimes deflect or push away the heart-felt compliments of another?
On being positive.

On being positive.

by kimberly gruber ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

My mind often carries a lot of thoughts, ideas, feelings and worries that bounce around my head. I remember a yoga teacher talking about monkey mind and feeling affirmed that I now had a name for what so aptly suits what I experience sometimes. A monkey jumping around my head (usually there’s more than one monkey) and trying to track its movement slays my ability to focus. I do my best to take control of these monkeys. I envision pouring them into a funnel that sorts them by what I need right here, right now. Reciting “right here, right now” also helps calm these rascals into a more sedentary state. It’s my way of trying to stay mindful and focused on what is in front of me. It helps me prioritize what’s important, notice, process and help me handle what’s right before my eyes in the present moment. I can narrow my field of vision or expand it based on my assessment of what’s going on inside me, outside me and try to do the best I can to handle or enjoy whatever I’m feeling. To me, that’s exercising self-care, self-love and self-compassion all rolled together as one.

Sometimes the thoughts or feelings that I hold are heavy, painful and scary. I’m not a fan of staying “right here, right now” with tough feelings. But, despite the discomfort, I know I have to experience what is before me to build resilience and learn even when the struggle is very real. All feelings, whether easy or hard to handle, have value. I don’t have to like what I’m feeling, but I have to hold it anyway. I have to let this feeling move through me to teach me that I’m capable. When I do that, I’m reminded that tough things pass and I can pick myself up after the battle. I develop a first-hand experience of what it’s like to feel capable and positive about my abilities and the world around me. That type of positivity is different from the type that tells me to just push tough feelings away with positive feelings that I’m not experiencing at the time. Feeling truly positive isn’t developed by drowning myself in upbeat sentiments that I don’t feel and it isn’t developed by well-intending folks reminding me to appreciate all I’ve got. In fact, a lot of times it just makes me feel guilty or ashamed that I can’t shake my blues. A tough feeling is going to hang around until I work through it by acknowledging and handling uncomfortable. I know from walking through the trenches before that I will come out the other side. I know hard feelings don’t last, but when in those trenches, “thinking positively” is not what I need. I need to be reminded to buckle up and hold on. I need to acknowledge my struggle and carry a smidgen of hope at the same time. I need to focus on taking the next step, because that is my reality in the “right here, right now”. I don’t need to come down hard on myself for not feeling positive or grateful during my struggle. Optimism will come later when I emerge from the ashes battered but knowing that rising is part of my DNA. All I’ve learned and all I’ve endured allow me to feel truly positive that things will be okay because I’ve made it out okay before. I can be positive with others by reminding them that tough feelings pass only because I’ve stayed with struggle and seen it to be true. I’ll see you, hear you and tell you to hold on and that’s how we’ll both put more positivity into this world. I won’t force you to feel, I’ll encourage you to grip tightly and let you feel.

I hold on, close my eyes and breath even when its hard to catch my breath. I keep breathing because its all I can do right now. And that’s ok. It’s all I can do when monkeys are bouncing around my head or when I carry a bag of bricks called fear, worry, sadness or regret. But when I can, I try to remember what happens when I fall into whatever I’m feeling that’s hard to hold – that I can make it through. And when I fall into joy, gratitude, happiness and contentment, I’m reminded of how precious those moments truly are and feel grateful. I can’t force a feeling, I can only recognize what’s going on in me and feel it. And that’s all I have to do each and every moment of my life. I feel positive when I notice and remember that every detail of my journey matters because it builds the best version of me. That type of positivity is what carries me and keeps my fingers gripped tightly to the wheel when I’m just about ready to let go. I’m reminded after that hair-raising or weary experience of how strong I really am. All the feelings that come from that experience dance around in my head and make their way down the funnel. What drips out of the spout is hope and positivity. The kind that carries me and reminds me that when I see another trying to make their way through the fire, I send them positivity and hope by telling them I see their struggle. I share that all they need to do at that moment in time is to hold on and feel. Because, when we hold uncomfortable feelings and live to tell the story, positivity and hope will always find a way to rise up and shine.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

  1. When hit with “monkey mind”, how do you manage to discern what you are feeling or handle the many feelings at once?
  2. Do you believe positivity is built from struggle? Why/why not?
  3. Have you ever tried to feel something you don’t? How did it go?
  4. What types of feelings creep up on you when you’re told to be positive and you can’t?
  5. Sometimes just holding on is all any human can do until the tough times pass. What was that like for you and did it teach you a lesson in positivity? Why/why not?
Have faith and swim.

Have faith and swim.

by kimberly gruber ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

The storm has arrived and I can’t bail fast enough to overtake the torrent of water filling the vessel containing my heart. As I work hard to stay afloat, I see an approaching tidal wave of water carrying the debris that I threw overboard the last time this happened. And then I remember. The water that rushes over me and takes me under, doesn’t keep me under forever. I’ve survived floods before. I do the best I can to stay clear of the current that carries the flotsam I’ve discarded many times before. I don’t want to get entangled in the debris that does nothing to help me stay afloat. I’ve worked hard to do those things that help me stay strong and keep my eyes focused on the shoreline. I fight to remember those practices that keep me seaworthy. They remind me that I can handle stormy weather and bolster my faith that it’ll be okay. Storms come and go with some bringing more flooding then others, but I eventually make it to shore like I’ve done many times before. So, I tread water and hold on knowing the water recedes and wait for the current of hope to take me ashore. Maybe this is how God teaches me to become a stronger, better swimmer.

I don’t particularly enjoy the lesson, but I do the best I can to tread water and paddle until it gets better. I accept the life preservers thrown my way by God and the team of angels here and above that encourage me to keep floating. The thing is, I am the only one that can hold on and choose to swim to a safer place. No one can move my body for me. I’ve got to dig deeply into my reserves and find a way. There are always things I can do or choices I can make as I struggle. I think, I pray and I problem solve, because making it to dry land requires that I rely on my own gifts, wit and what worked in previous swims ashore. At times I pause, float on my back and wait. I close my eyes and pull energy from the sky until I’m ready to swim again. I’m catching my breath, accepting, hanging on and remembering there is still so much life and fight in me as long as I’m floating face up. I may emerge walking onto the shore or allow the tide to roll me along and dump me on dry land. Either way, I have the opportunity to emerge a stronger, better swimmer, wiser and water-logged until I dry out and shed the weight of my experience. It’s how I move onward again and again. Sometimes, I creep out of the flood pissed off too. But until that passes, I hope I’ve learned something new about myself and accept the cycle of feelings that course through me as a light filled soul having a human experience.

Keeping my eyes on the beacons of light help illuminate my swim to safety and give strength to my tired limbs. I notice others treading water, floating or swimming too. Their struggle may be easier or harder than mine this time. I offer words of comfort, love and encouragement as best as I am able. I am a witness to their swim as they are to mine, noticing that this human migration from the flood of hard feelings to feelings easy to hold, is a reoccurring part of being alive. I can ask questions about their swim, knowing every human being has the potential to find their way and there’s always a meaningful story to tell about our individual journeys to a better place. I will never be able to swim for anyone else. We’d just get tangled up in the debris that we’re each trying to shed so both of us can swim forward and forge our own way. I hope to remember to look all my fellow shipwrecked swimmers in the eyes with compassion, understanding and mercy and send the message that we can hold on. I hope to exude that faith with every stroke I take and feel grateful for those around me who feed my hope when I’ve lost it among the barnacles sucking me dry. It’s only by faith that I’m reminded that when we all make it back to the shore again and again, that we’ll all have a beautiful and amazing story to tell. Keep swimming.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

  1. Think about the last time you recall “being flooded” with a feeling/s that pulled you under? What were those feelings and what circumstance lead to their occurrence?
  2. What practices and/or thoughts help remind you that the flood will recede? What practices and/or thoughts sink you further?
  3. Why is waiting so hard sometimes? What encourages your willingness to not rush a process?
  4. Have you ever endeavored to “solve” the problems of those around you? How did that go?
  5. Do you have faith in yourself, others or a higher power? Why or why not?
Your humanity and healing.

Your humanity and healing.

by kimberly gruber ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Part of being a human is dealing with the hard parts of being human. There are times when the Band-Aid we apply to our emotional wound is just what we need to stop the bleeding. There are times when the Band-Aid laughs in our face, because it knows a tiny bit of gauze won’t do when a tourniquet is needed. The thing is, humans are responsible for figuring out what they need to help stop the bleeding and ease the pain. You do that by taking the time to listen to your own knowing. It’s helpful to talk to others about what works for them in their moments of trial, but it’s necessary to check in with yourself too and talk openly and honestly to see what’s going on. Understanding what helps in your healing means taking the time to know what salve to apply, what treatment to undertake and how much time you need to foster your own healing. Believing that you are worthy of that time and attention is where you have to start. We spend our time and energy on those things we deem valuable even when some of those things clearly do more harm for us than good. Look at what you use to cope and be sure it falls under the healing category and not the hurting category. Look at where you invest your time. Look at what you polish and shine. And make sure that you are a major recipient of those healing things, time, polish and shine. When you regularly practice caring for and loving every part of your own humanity, you will come to learn your own value and have a much easier time seeing it in others. You’ll start to just know with every bone in your body, that you deserve loving attention and time to heal just for being born. That is the birthright of every human being that graces this planet and no matter what, you will always be worthy of that promise.

When we’re physically wounded, we tend to give ourselves more understanding and time to recover. When our emotional wounds cause our suffering, our patience and understanding isn’t always what it should be considering our brokenness. The struggle for recovery from the things that hurt us emotionally is very, very real. Speeding through that healing and not taking the time to fully heal, may lessen the pain, but not move you into full recovery. You just go into remission. Physical and emotional healing is a step-by-step process. It requires grit and traveling to a place where you lay it all out and keep it very real. Sometimes it’s healing, then setback, followed by the same pattern until the bones knit back together or the soul stops aching when the wind blows. Humans in pain want to end the pain, because of how much it hurts. That makes sense. But, to recover from pain, you’ve got to listen to what your humanity is telling you to do, not what you’ve been conditioned to do. Being a human-doer to avoid, gloss over or quickly move through a process of healing may, at its best, only bring on remission. Allowing yourself to be a human being promotes a more complete healing step by painful step. In your human being-ness, you honor the time you need, the treatment you require and you take the pill of self-compassion as needed.

Being intentional in your search for respite when you need it, will sustain your recovery. Practicing strategies like pushing away negative thoughts and behaviors with positive thoughts and actions is one way to help keep you on track. Making time to meditate as a form of respite and learning may also help too. When you check your heart rate, just check your soul rate as well. We have all kinds of gadgets and gizmos that tell us how hard we’re working physically and help us monitor when to push and when to ease back. Doesn’t your emotional and spiritual health deserve some monitoring too? Put your hands on your heart, take some slow deep breaths and feel. That’s how you check your soul rate. Taking the time to monitor your human being-ness is how you check in to see and feel how hard you are working and when to push and when to ease back. Be honest with yourself. If you believe in the readings you receive from your physical health monitors, then by all means believe in what your soul is registering too. You may not like what it says all the time, but answers and healing abound if you take the time to look at it and listen. Let go of what you believe your healing timeline and progress should be and focus on what could be. You need patience, not pressure. You need hopefulness, not negativity. You need mercy, not judgement. You need self-love, not self-loathing. You need every part of your humanity to love, heal and grow to become all you’re meant to be, so do it in a way that benefits all of you. Value your human being-ness and give it the time, attention and love it deserves no matter how messy it gets. Bandage your soul with what you know it needs, so when it’s time to shine again, they’ll be nothing holding you back.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

  1. Are you aware of those things that you need to foster your own healing? Why or why not?
  2. Deserving love and attention is your birthright. What gets in the way of honoring that?
  3. Do you allow yourself more time/struggle to heal from physical wounds than emotional wounds? Why/why not?
  4. What’s the difference between always being a human-doer instead of a human-being?
  5. When do you fall into that space of “what should be” concerning your efforts or accomplishments? Does it add to or negate your efforts?

Safety.

Safety.

by kimberly gruber ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Making yourself smaller doesn’t necessarily make you safer. If you’re crouching in the woods hiding from danger, maybe rolling into a tight ball and burrowing might keep you unseen and safer. But if you’ve learned to make yourself “invisible” because you’ve done so in the past to seek safety, it’s time to rethink that strategy. Hiding may feel safe sometimes, but is it all the time? Your body may be safe crouched in that tight ball, but your mind is far from feeling safe. You can only experience what you invite or see in your confined space and that can make everything else unknown, intimidating or scary. You don’t know safety until you take a chance, unravel yourself out of that tight ball, and learn that you can do tough things and figure stuff out. It’s the only way to develop trust in yourself and others. You learn that for the most part, things work out pretty ok if you take a chance, because it’s happened to you or you’ve witness it with others. You’ve got to leave the safety of your confines to see that and know it’s true. That truth provides a very meaningful sense of safety, encourages you to step out into the world and leave your footprint proving you are here, ready to go and try. Maybe you’re motivated to leave your self-imposed confines because you’ve come to the realization that if you never step forward, you’ll always be in the same place and that place is starting to stink. That’s a good reason to step out and take a chance too.

You took a big chance, a big step when you were defenseless and reliant on your caregivers. You walked. You were fearless and you had faith that viewing the world from your feet instead of your knees would change everything. And it did. You pulled yourself up by holding onto someone or something and moved towards the cheers of those calling your name. Your gait had a Frankenstein-like quality but you kept your eyes on world from a new perspective and moved from the safety of your knees to your two tiny feet. You fell a lot and maybe even got hurt too. But if you’re walking now, it’s proof that you cried, pulled yourself up and walked again. You were the bravest walker ever. You focused on progressing from two steps to thousands, one day branching out and walking towards other babies as courageous as you. You didn’t stop walking because you feared you weren’t going to do it perfectly. You progressed step by awkward step eventually running, skipping and dancing towards a new space, a new experience and new people. Because of your willingness to step in a new direction, the whole walking thing brought about relationships and experiences that allowed you to trust in yourself and others. That feels safe, so you took more chances like jogging, playing basketball or riding a bike. Your progression never would have happened if you chose to stay in your comfort zone and on your knees. By taking your first step you connected with people, nature and the world. Healthy connections allow us to feel safe and remind us why we fight to remain standing.

If you never take the chance to experience something new and see that you can handle it, then everything is going to seem scary. It could go well or it could go not so well. When it doesn’t go well, you get the chance to make things right, chart another path or learn that it’s ok to accept help. You join the group of other brave souls that left the safety of their rooms, because they believed like you, that we all can find a deeper sense of safety when we experience life with each other. Alone in our own heads and space never gives us the opportunity to build the social callus we need to strengthen our resolve and take another chance on this world. We are not alone in our fear of taking the first step. Most people we encounter are good, doing the best they can and they mess up sometimes. The thing is, you’ll never feel comradery with that group if you stay inside your space or your own head believing that’s the only way to feel safe. You’ll never know what it feels like to be secure in your own abilities or feel the love and support of others who are working on feeling secure too.

The universe shivers when you say “Aw hell no!” to taking a chance or moving in a different direction because of fear. Fear didn’t stop you from walking when you were a baby. That’s why the universe shakes her head in confusion and patiently waits. Fear will have you believe it’s safer staying on your knees, because you’re less likely to get hurt or feel embarrassed. Maybe that’s true in some cases. But, if you never take a chance, you’ll never know love or witness how the universe will guide you if you’re open to all possibilities. The Divine and her universe will always wait in hopeful anticipation for your consent, since it’s the only way to catch her flow and get started in doing your life’s work. The Divine will give you the time and space you need to fall, to be held and get up again even when your reply is a scared, meek “Yes.” There’s a sense of protection, safety and security in knowing we can rise and figure stuff out when we hold hands with others and the Divine as we ride the current of the universe. That’s scary and safe at the same time, but much less scary then never trying at all.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

  1. Do you feel a sense of safety when you isolate? Why or why not?
  2. Think of an instance when you moved out of your comfort zone and took a chance. Why did you do so and what have you learned because you did?
  3. How would your life look if you focused more on your progress instead of perfection?
  4. What does it feel like or what are you reminded of when you speak to other folks who express fear in taking chances too?
  5. Do you believe the Divine and the universe provide you opportunity? Why/why not?

Move.

Move.

by kimberly gruber ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

We are called to move. Our bodies rely on movement to remain strong, creative and keep us one with the natural world and each other. When we move regularly, our body does all it can to get us on our feet again and again. The internal pharmacy housed within us dispenses feel good chemicals that try their best to leave a positive impression. “Team Feel Good” hopes we recall what it feels like after we move, so we stay active and engaged with our body on a regular basis. This squad of happy works for you and you alone. They’re your own personal trainers that encourage you to lace up your sneakers when you’d rather sleep an extra hour. “Team Feel Good” takes their job very seriously, because your body is counting on them. Their whole reason for being is to keep you moving so your life keeps moving. That’s why this team dances and high fives you for hours after you’ve done your part. Oh, and one of the best parts – “Team Feel Good” works for free and doesn’t care about the size of your thighs. Just that your thighs move.

Our bodies carry our history. It could be the story of what happened to us an hour ago or a trauma we experienced in childhood. Exercise will help you dislodge the shrapnel that was left behind and work it out of your body. To move from anxiety, sadness and fear, you need a physiological shift. The positive energy you create by moving creates a current that helps your body skim off some of the darkness it carries. With each repetitive step, cycle, stroke, push or pull, your body will move your brain and spirit to a better place. Your arms and legs become the right/left constant movement that encourages a calm, meditative state. Try to notice how your body will guide you to a more peaceful rhythm or release and just go with it. Allow your body to take care of you by cleansing you of all that has built up inside. Your body and “Team Feel Good” is trying super hard to take you to a place that is unlimited in possibility, solid and safe, so allow them to do their job. With each step and right/left pound of your foot to the ground, a syncopated pulse will shimmy out the toxic splinters left in your heart from the pain you carry. Now there’s room to give birth to creativity, problem-solve or to just feel. You will always be a better version of you because you moved. When you love your body by moving it, your body will always love you back.

My aunt was in a wheelchair the last few years of her life. Even so, she fought daily to not remain stagnant in body, mind and spirit. With the help of angels here on earth, she regularly lowered herself into a pool to find that state of release from physical and emotional pain. The buoyancy of the water helped her create movement that was less painful and allowed “Team Feel Good” to drop by and lift her battered spirit. With each physical, repetitive movement she could muster in the water, she created a portal that allowed the pain to leave and left space for light and clarity to enter. If she was moving, despite how limited, she was here. That’s what exercise does. It keeps us in the game by reminding us that we are alive and we are here when we move. One gentle kick in the water or one bicep curl can turn into twenty. It’s proof that our hard, consistent efforts as it pertains to anything, make us stronger. Muscles break down and we may get sore, but we heal and get up and do it again. This is how we get stronger.

Get up and out and take a walk. One step will turn into thousands if you see value in the amazing nature of your body and all it’s prepared to do for you if you let it. Every cell will thank you for choosing to take care of the magnificent and miraculous being of you. “Team Feel Good” is waiting at the door to support every part of you – body, mind and spirit. Move and follow the beat of your heart and breath so good stuff can move in and toxicity can move out. Lace up and move so you can complete this marathon called “Life” and actively engage in every step despite soreness, pain, joy and triumph. Reinforce through movement that your body is alive and kicking. Let it unleash its power inside you, so you can unleash the best part of you into this world and make space for more light too.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

  1. What keeps you from moving and tapping into you “internal pharmacy”? How might you remove these obstacles?
  2. How is your history carried in your body? When do you feel it most?
  3. Have you ever experienced a rhythm brought on by repetitive movement? If so, how did it affect your body?
  4. Movement reminds us that we are alive. What does prolonged sedentary behavior do to your body, mind and spirit?
  5. How would walks in nature or with a friend add to the benefits you garner from exercise? What other positive benefits may occur?

Your true voice.

Your true voice.

by kimberly gruber ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It’s so easy to lose your inner voice, your true voice. It gets hidden away among all the chatter and sounds created by expectations and fears. It can be hard to find because the things that prevent us from hearing it need to be weeded through, moved aside or thrown away. Occasionally, our true voice pokes out of its space and tries to speak, but it’s hard to catch as it soars our way. Someone has tied our hands or else we’ve bound our own. We watch with sadness as our true voice rolls across the floor and falls below the cracks where we stand.

A good way to stay in touch with your true voice is to be its best friend. We spend our time and energy on things that matter to us because they feed our souls. A best friend carries your name in a locket and wears it proudly to keep you close and be reminded of the beauty of you. Your true voice will defend your honor, speak your truth and knows the way that’s best for you. Any voice you hear that tears you down is lying and is not your true voice. Your true voice whispers from the lips of your soul where it lives at the core of your being. To hear it, there needs to be pockets of silence or time away from all the voices that bury your own. Befriending your true voice requires that you unclutter the space so everyone can breathe and move. Your friend needs a clear runway to ride out of your soul on the wings of your spirit so it can land safely and meet with you. Clear a path by settling all the glitter that floats in your head and distracts you from finding each other. Foster the friendship you have with your true voice so you’ll be lifelong friends and always have each other’s backs.

Sometimes, your true voice arrives in the form of a bubble that floats out of your soul. Treat this delicate creature kindly. Nourish it by honoring and speaking to it with gentle coaxing and compassion. When in a space where it might be hard to unleash your true voice, speak supportive words to that bubble of voice and encourage it to be brave. If it’s well received – “Yay!” – if not, speak words of loving kindness to yourself for being true to you. Acts of self compassion keep us connected to our inner most being and remind us of our value. We shower love on those we deem important and worthy of attention. Self-compassion is tending to your own spirit. The practice of wrapping yourself in the love of your own kind words keeps the truest part of you alive and well. Who you are at your core is light, love and your unique purpose. When you treat that light tenderly with praiseworthy admiration, it’s much easier to hear what it has to say. Your true voice gets louder because you’re closer to it and farther away from the noise of others. Spend time alone with your true voice because you’re both worthy of genuine presence and loving attention.

The Divine creates wonderful things and you’re one of them. Be your best version of wonderful. Sometimes, your true voice will be misunderstood or go against the grain. That’s tough, but it’ll be ok. Just be ready and waiting with a healing ointment of kind words and affirming remarks about your amazing light and bravery. Rest and recover if you need to. Try to stay out of the ranks of imposters floundering to be something they’re not because they believe that’s where happiness resides or it’s a good way to avoid pain. We’ve all dabbled in those ranks and it’s an empty proposition. Just remember, your true voice will always encourage you to be you, since that’s in your best interest and the world’s best interest too. Give your time and energy to the building of you and listen. Go outside and let your true voice connect with the light of the Divine. Give it time to recharge with its source so the triangle of you, the Divine and your spirit remains unbroken. Make this your life’s pursuit and you’ll have many amazing moments of knowing what it’s like to be authentically you. Don’t forget to rip up the floorboards in search of the voice you lost earlier. It’ll still be there and waiting for you to give it a go.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

  1. What prevents you from using your true voice?
  2. What feelings surface in you when you fail to use your true voice and why?
  3. When do you hear your true voice? What regular practice would help you hear it more often?
  4. Acts of self compassion nourish the soul. Do you believe that? Why/why not?
  5. Does connecting with nature and/or the Divine help you find your true voice? Why/why not?