My mind often carries a lot of thoughts, ideas, feelings and worries that bounce around my head. I remember a yoga teacher talking about monkey mind and feeling affirmed that I now had a name for what so aptly suits what I experience sometimes. A monkey jumping around my head (usually there’s more than one monkey) and trying to track its movement slays my ability to focus. I do my best to take control of these monkeys. I envision pouring them into a funnel that sorts them by what I need right here, right now. Reciting “right here, right now” also helps calm these rascals into a more sedentary state. It’s my way of trying to stay mindful and focused on what is in front of me. It helps me prioritize what’s important, notice, process and help me handle what’s right before my eyes in the present moment. I can narrow my field of vision or expand it based on my assessment of what’s going on inside me, outside me and try to do the best I can to handle or enjoy whatever I’m feeling. To me, that’s exercising self-care, self-love and self-compassion all rolled together as one.

Sometimes the thoughts or feelings that I hold are heavy, painful and scary. I’m not a fan of staying “right here, right now” with tough feelings. But, despite the discomfort, I know I have to experience what is before me to build resilience and learn even when the struggle is very real. All feelings, whether easy or hard to handle, have value. I don’t have to like what I’m feeling, but I have to hold it anyway. I have to let this feeling move through me to teach me that I’m capable. When I do that, I’m reminded that tough things pass and I can pick myself up after the battle. I develop a first-hand experience of what it’s like to feel capable and positive about my abilities and the world around me. That type of positivity is different from the type that tells me to just push tough feelings away with positive feelings that I’m not experiencing at the time. Feeling truly positive isn’t developed by drowning myself in upbeat sentiments that I don’t feel and it isn’t developed by well-intending folks reminding me to appreciate all I’ve got. In fact, a lot of times it just makes me feel guilty or ashamed that I can’t shake my blues. A tough feeling is going to hang around until I work through it by acknowledging and handling uncomfortable. I know from walking through the trenches before that I will come out the other side. I know hard feelings don’t last, but when in those trenches, “thinking positively” is not what I need. I need to be reminded to buckle up and hold on. I need to acknowledge my struggle and carry a smidgen of hope at the same time. I need to focus on taking the next step, because that is my reality in the “right here, right now”. I don’t need to come down hard on myself for not feeling positive or grateful during my struggle. Optimism will come later when I emerge from the ashes battered but knowing that rising is part of my DNA. All I’ve learned and all I’ve endured allow me to feel truly positive that things will be okay because I’ve made it out okay before. I can be positive with others by reminding them that tough feelings pass only because I’ve stayed with struggle and seen it to be true. I’ll see you, hear you and tell you to hold on and that’s how we’ll both put more positivity into this world. I won’t force you to feel, I’ll encourage you to grip tightly and let you feel.

I hold on, close my eyes and breath even when its hard to catch my breath. I keep breathing because its all I can do right now. And that’s ok. It’s all I can do when monkeys are bouncing around my head or when I carry a bag of bricks called fear, worry, sadness or regret. But when I can, I try to remember what happens when I fall into whatever I’m feeling that’s hard to hold – that I can make it through. And when I fall into joy, gratitude, happiness and contentment, I’m reminded of how precious those moments truly are and feel grateful. I can’t force a feeling, I can only recognize what’s going on in me and feel it. And that’s all I have to do each and every moment of my life. I feel positive when I notice and remember that every detail of my journey matters because it builds the best version of me. That type of positivity is what carries me and keeps my fingers gripped tightly to the wheel when I’m just about ready to let go. I’m reminded after that hair-raising or weary experience of how strong I really am. All the feelings that come from that experience dance around in my head and make their way down the funnel. What drips out of the spout is hope and positivity. The kind that carries me and reminds me that when I see another trying to make their way through the fire, I send them positivity and hope by telling them I see their struggle. I share that all they need to do at that moment in time is to hold on and feel. Because, when we hold uncomfortable feelings and live to tell the story, positivity and hope will always find a way to rise up and shine.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. When hit with “monkey mind”, how do you manage to discern what you are feeling or handle the many feelings at once?
2. Do you believe positivity is built from struggle? Why/why not?
3. Have you ever tried to feel something you don’t? How did it go?
4. What types of feelings creep up on you when you’re told to be positive and you can’t?
5. Sometimes just holding on is all any human can do until the tough times pass. What was that like for you and did it teach you a lesson in positivity? Why/why not?