When you ask most people what they want out of life, many will say, “I just want to be happy.” I get that. It’s not that I don’t want more moments of happiness for me and the people I love. But to really excel at living and build a life of meaning, I need to pay homage to all aspects of this journey. If I’ve been given all I need to build something beautiful, then that must include all the feelings and experiences that are common to every human being. If I have them, then I need them whether I like it or not. Living means that joy, sorrow, pain and comfort share the same space and will always be a part of what it means to be alive. Joy carries me, sustains me and fills me when I’m empty or just adds to my heart reserves. The vault of happy moments I keep in my heart bolster my boldness when I’m hanging on by a thread and help me dig through. Staying present in those moments of positive flow gives birth to gratitude too and that’s a very good thing. When we’re happy our light shines brightly and the white, dancing beams can change the vibration in a room and allow us to connect in a meaningful way through our collective joy. It is an amazing gift.

But when I think about what’s taught me the most about myself, my strengths and what’s really important, it includes loss, challenge, pain and the will I muster to get back in the game. The tempered soul I bear and stories of its time in the fire glow with a different type of light. It’s a light that comes from the embers of my heart as I achingly wait for time to pass and pain to lessen. That light is a orange and red glow that burns hot and intensely for awhile eventually fading to grey. The pain glow may easily reignite when the wind picks up or when someone blows on it. I’m the one who has to figure out how to deal with that. Still, what I do know is the process of reheating and cooling has the potential to give birth to growth, empathy, compassion and an ability to create a meaningful connection even in my suffering. When I witness the deep glow of pain in you, I see it, smell it and feel it. It compels me to help you hold the hot coals as best as I am able until they slowly extinguish because I know about that burn. Joy is much more joyful when shared and pain is less painful when shared too. A life of meaning involves connection with others in all aspects of this life. When put into practice, the most important things will automatically rise to the top of the pile among all the clutter in my head and scream, “Pay attention because this stuff matters!” I want to work hard to stay on top of that pile no matter how difficult it may be sometimes because that’s where real life lives. I want to rest contently at the end of my days, survey the traces of what I’ve left behind and hope my time here made a difference to someone. Some of the stuff I’ve left behind isn’t pretty, but I will continue to do my best and forgive myself for the things I may have done better. I’ll just keep on trying to learn from all of my experiences and continue to stay in the light of connection whatever color it may be.

It’s up to me to build a life of meaning that is worthy of me. Every choice I make, whether easy or not, affects the portrait of my life. Sometimes it turns out great and sometimes it looks like a finger painting. It typically depends on my intention going in. Taking a magnifying glass to why I do what I do, helps me see if I’m fostering a positive flow and in alignment with my purpose or giving into the worst side of me. Is the fear of not being good enough driving or is the true me behind the wheel? Am I really listening and seeing what’s going on inside me and around me? Am I being curious about your life story or being judgmental? Am I comparing or contrasting my journey with yours or standing in appreciation that we both have a path equally worthy of being recognized for what it is? A life worthy of me begins with self-love and acceptance because it creates more love and more acceptance. Humans can’t give what they don’t have or speak a language they’ve never chosen to learn. I have to connect and take action for myself to ignite the light of love inside me, get to know it and figure out what to feed it so it thrives. I have to learn its language, listen to its wisdom and find value and acceptance in what I see. Investing in myself and fostering self-love in me and encouraging it in others adds depth and meaning to all of our stories. We were all born with the instinct to live, thrive and let the world know we are here and we need each other to do that. No one makes the world any better by making themselves smaller.

Loss of someone I love who I believe got it right, compels me to look to at how they lived. For sure they left numerous piles of love all around them hoping someone who needed it gathered it up. And because of that, they got a lot of love back too. Love begets more love and they knew it was worth the risk. They built lives that made a difference by spending a lot of time being present noticing people, nature and the world around them. They found appreciation and acceptance in every aspect of this life no matter how joyful or painful. They concerned themselves more with living life instead of posting it. The leavers-of-love smiled at strangers, helped out friends, served others, heard you, laughed a lot, cried and gave off the purpleish-pinkish light of contentment and peace. Like the colors that proceed a sunrise. They were just curious souls who didn’t want to miss a moment, an encounter or an opportunity to learn, love, connect and grow. And because of this practice, they became comfortable doing what makes us learners uncomfortable sometimes – they were true to who they were while living and loving courageously and whole-heartedly.

I suppose I’ll try my best to stop the worries, lists and tasks in my head long enough to keep me present in most of my own life and to truly be there for others. I can’t do it all the time but I’m working on it and I imagine the leavers-of-love had to work hard on this too. I am responsible for seeking out the healing and quiet I need to bring myself back to what builds a well-lived life – staying in the now. I’ll try to walk my life’s journey being curious, connected and of service while holding pain sometimes. I’ll try to leave this electrified world of chaos and noise to find myself in it, separate from it and invite others to this safer, more peaceful space. I’ll try to slow down and notice my breath more. I know that as I gather the simple beauty of what is always before me and collect it in my heart, the chatter in my head will quiet and feelings of contentment take up the empty space left behind. I’ll notice more joy and happiness because they’ll be room inside me to see it, feel it, touch it and taste it. I use the word meaningful and hard a lot as I examine lives well-lived and reflect on the best and worst parts of my journey. It’s because life is both of those things and if I’m building something wonderful on my own, it is rewarding and hard at the same time. I’ll keep on trying and not give up on the things that matter because the world thinks differently. The world doesn’t have all the answers, I do. No one or anything can create the life I want to live and the stuff I leave behind. It’s a solo endeavor. But when I’m doing it right, I never feel alone because I’m always connecting to other souls trying the best they can to build a life of meaning too.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. Think of a time where you were present in your happiness. What did you learn about life in that moment?
2. What lesson/s have you learned from your pain? Could you have learned it any other way? Why/why not?
3. Have you ever had a moment when you knew what you were experiencing/doing really mattered? What was happening in that moment?
4. What’s the most powerful lesson you’ve learned from someone you’ve lost and how did it change you?
5. What changes can you make to stay more present and connect with others? How will these efforts help you build a life worthy of you?