Truth, honesty and compromise have been carved up on the butcher block lately. Treating others inhumanely is the new normal for some people too. Creating lies, false stories and belittling others while people stand by and watch it happen is no longer shocking. The bully plants the seeds of hate, fear and intimidation and the bystanders say nothing because they are petrified that the bully will go after them. They lack courage and keep their mouths shut. They allow the bully to spread fear and use aggression causing someone to be stripped of their rights, respect and dignity. The bully who fans these flames knows what he is doing. He plants the cancer cell, lets it spread and watches. He counts on his peers to say nothing, do nothing and let bad things happen. The bystanders who let the bully exercise his very limited skill set to harness his “power over” technique are the most troubling to watch. They allow the cancer to grow. They watch while someone gets shoved into a locker, laugh along with the bully and do nothing. Their fear of the bully overrides their courage to do what’s right. This is middle school 101.

Fear does serve a purpose. It alerts us to open our eyes, become aware, fact check and take action. It drives us to analyze what is going on and do something about it. Fear is part of who we are to keep us safe and to push us towards keeping others safe. We feel safer when banded with others in a common purpose and goal. The issue is to look at that group goal and question if your membership creates more fear, provokes more aggression and fans the fuel of more hatred. If you’re an individual or a group that intimidates others by exploiting fear in the world to garner a sense of power, you’re only doing so in an attempt to eradicate your own fear and your own shortcomings. Bullies are not actualized humans. They are humans that spend too much time living in fear instead of looking at it’s source. If you can’t figure out why you’re afraid, you can’t actively work to solve the problem.

The courageous voices for justice do not fear change, compromise, diversity or having hard conversations. They may be scared sometimes, but their drive to do the right thing overrides their fear. What they do fear is apathy. This is why they keep their eyes open, learn and become aware. They spend time with people who are different and notice what connects us as human beings more so than what separates us. They exercise temperance, patience and they listen to the stories of others. They know that spending time together and doing what humans do, is the best way to dispel fear and build connection. “I see me in you” is the fully human motto. If I see you are hurting, I am driven to action to support you even if our thinking doesn’t align all the time. I will howl like a wolf to protect you as I know your survival and our pack requires that I do not let one rabid wolf take us all down. After all, we just laughed, played and ate together last week. We each have our own story and a story of our time together. How can I be scared of you when we each have a chapter that comes from the same book? Preserving this book allows us to exist in harmony. Open your mouth when someone comes along and tries to censor individual chapters. Because we all know that when you strip chapters from the book of humanity, the whole thing falls apart.

When I hear you, I see you. When you hear me, you see me. It’s called bonding. It requires person to person interaction. Give someone the opportunity to reveal their humanity – their story, their words, their smile, their anger. It could get scary. Especially when you are at odds with their ideology. Pause and remember what trying humans do – they breathe and listen. Ask more questions. Listen and learn. It is likely when the misinformation starts to fly, you’ll see it’s based in fear. Ask about that fear. That’s the best you can do. Oh and hope too. Hope that they somehow saw you and noted that you’re not that scary. Hopefully, they somehow noticed that you do have a little bit in common because you each took the time share individual chapters. That’s how you bond, connect and preserve each other’s humanity. Start one person at a time. Larger organizations can’t come close to having the affect you may have on helping to foster connection and healing one person at a time. Be part of the pack that tries their best, despite how hard it is, to gather more into the human race.

When you walk down a particular hallway of the Holocaust museum, you are surrounded by the shoes that were stripped from people as they entered the concentration camps. The effect is a stark reminder of our connection to those souls. We all wear something on our feet. The shoes belonged to humans that laced, or buttoned or slipped on their shoes that morning. Or the shoes belonged to little ones who had someone help them do the buckling and lacing that day. Either way, those shoes protected the feet of the human they carried doing the best they can to survive the horror of what they faced. It was apathy and a disconnection with one’s humanity and the humanity of another that led to the death of all those shoe-wearing people. It was silence concerning the “small” things that led to the big things like the murder of millions of adults, children and babies. Imagine yourself in those shoes. Then decide if howling in the name of defending someone else’s humanity is one of the most important and courageous things you can do. Because it is.

Questions/activities to ponder or good journal prompts!

1. Most individuals have been the victim of someone else exercising power over them? What did that feel like? How did you resolve the issue?
2. Have you ever exercised power over another? Does seeing a bully as having a “very limited skill set” speak to you whether or not you were an offender or victim or both? In what way?
3. Have you ever connected with someone with whom you had many differences by way of a conversation, a story or a meal? Did you notice any similarities despite your differences? Why or why not?
4. Fear is what leads to misinformation spreading and believing without experience or facts. What might the liar, manipulator or the uneducated be afraid of? What unknown about a person or group triggers fear in you and why?
5. The shoes of the holocaust victims are meant to evoke empathy and reveal just how powerful misinformation, lies, apathy and hate can be. How does that museum display speak to you? What does it call you to do?